Erin Brockovich, client advocate

I guess it’s pick on lawyers day.  This is important, though and something I’ve experienced.  It made me wonder at the effects of lawyers PREACHING self help when they should be practicing law…

There’s a reason why Lawyers should stick to their expertise and provide legal advice and not personal advice.  I know a lawyer who attended a self help weekend retreat.  The premise of these retreats is for people to LET GO.  They tell their story and then claim they can let them go, like a helium filled balloon—floating away never to be seen again.

Everyone has a story and some of them are sad.  Some of them are about loss, abuse and they’re dark.  In this program, you are brainwashed to let these stories go.  They no longer define you.  They no longer are a part of you… IT never happened.

It sounds all rosy and happy.

I think it’s bull shit.  WHY would we let our stories go because a stranger stands on a stage and tells us it’s time?  This guru knows nothing about us as an individual, yet he claims to know what’s best for us.   He is minimizing our story.

I’m MORE for RESOLUTION and less for absolution.  FIX not deny.  RESOLVE not dissolve.  We are all human and have feelings.  We don’t turn them off after a few days of self help programming.

But to act as though it never happened is to deny reality.  Denial only leads to more pain in the future.

Getting back to LAWYERS who advocate these programs; I question a lawyer who views conflict as something that should be ‘re-told’ or as a negative ‘side effect’ of our ‘stories’.  After all, we retain lawyers to resolve our legal conflicts.  If the lawyer wants to minimize our conflict and advise us to let it go, then what is his role?  Why do we need him?  If our legal dilemma is simply an extension of our ‘story’ then why not stop telling it now and dismiss our lawyer immediately.  We won’t need their services if we’re going to pretend the conflict doesn’t exist or worse, is something that’s in our head.  Imagine if ERIN BROCKOVICH had told the law firm’s clients, a whole town of hurting people that their story didn’t define them?

Perhaps these programs really do help people including lawyers, with their personal issues.  The problem arises when the lawyer applies these principles to his practice.

A lawyer who has been broken by a self help, brainwashing program risks compromising his clients.  An anti-conflict (that’s what this program preaches) lawyer might as well be a mediator.

I don’t know about you but I would prefer a lawyer who has a little fire because a lawyer doesn’t get you the best deal by being docile and a push over.  The lawyer must be able to see your conflict and acknowledge that it exists in the first place (the opposite of minimizing your story).

Most importantly, the lawyer should not advise his client on their personal issues by telling them to validate people who have wronged them.  By telling you to forgive, forget and move on is to do the opposite of validation. In other words, while you validate the people you’re having a conflict with to improve the situation you (and your story) remain un-validated.  You’ve been SILENCED in the name of conflict resolution.

Instead, the lawyer’s role is to advise you on the best course of legal action you can take to resolve your legal dilemma.  If it’s your DIVORCE, he should advise you on what steps you must take to retain your fair share of the assets and monetary support.  He looks at the facts of your case and then recommends what to expect legally and then how to go about getting that.  He lays out your legal choices.  He does NOT tell you to get over your story.  He doesn’t tell you what to do personally.  Of course, he is only human but ultimately, if you save your emotional issues for your therapist you’ll save lots of $.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you your story does not define you.  Your story today is but one in a life time of stories that will make you who you are.  If someone advises you to ‘tell a different story’ to avoid repeating the old one, tell them you’re still trying to figure this one out.  Your story is a part of you and no matter how dark or sad, it should be told.  You should never have to shush it.  Don’t give away what makes you an individual.  The stories that have colored your life make you UNIQUE.

image; pinterest

Should we move forward? YES.  Should we forgive and forget?  YES but only when we’re ready and only when a satisfactory resolution has been reached legally or otherwise.   It’s important to move forward. Part of that process is letting go of certain things and people that hold us back AND resolving our legal issues including divorce.

Lawyers, if you must attend self help retreats please refrain from applying those principles to your practice.  Your practice has nothing to do with preaching.

RESOLUTION not absolution

FIX not deny

RESOLVE not dissolve

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