Still here. It’s been quiet here at the blog. Even on my social channels I haven’t been interacting much. I certainly haven’t been creating brilliant thoughts or beautiful pictures I want to share with the world…which leaves me feeling a bit disconnected. But I could say I’m feeling more connected with myself. That’s not a bad thing.
With the Pandemic and the increasing death toll, it is alarming and I think we are all feeling a bit disconnected, anxious and uncertain of the future. So how are you taking care of yourself now?
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to self-care lately. One way I’m doing this is honoring what I need on any given day. Extra naps? Okay, I guess that must be what I need. I’ve stopped fighting my instincts.
When my sister died unexpectedly on October 20th I was told via text message. I called my older brother immediately and at the end of that conversation I asked him to stay in touch. I have not heard from him since. That was almost four weeks ago.
As I write this they are apparently having a service for my sister that I have not been invited to.
I will find another way to honor her memory and have done so already with this post.
However, this exclusion on my family’s behalf isn’t surprising. Nonetheless, I am thinking about…disconnection. Take my sister’s obituary for example. In listing her surviving siblings I was listed last (I’m not the youngest) and without my spouse’s name (and what was his crime besides being mine?). Somehow my younger brother precedes me. This is not the first time.
At my father’s burial we were asked to approach my father’s casket and throw dirt on it: IN BIRTH ORDER. Yet, my younger brother stepped out in front of me. I thought it an oversight rather than deliberate but now I read my sister’s obituary and see how they have tacked my name on the end like a misplaced apostrophe without a spouse. Sad.
The smallness of this is beyond my rationalizing but not beyond my humor. I mean, it could be worse. They could have inserted a large tab space before printing my name. Or they could have put brackets with a question mark inside in lieu of a spouse ( ? ).
M’kay, I’ll be the youngest then. Whatever.
It’s alright because I am dealing with this in quite a healthy way.
The bigger picture of life isn’t really about ceremonies. We can honor people and memories in our own ways. Light a candle, write, buy their favorite flower, set a bouquet at their grave, or cook their favorite food.
What really counts is what you loved about this person while they were alive, not so much what happens after.
As I have been wallowing in sadness and feeling the fatigue that grief brings to one’s body; I’m changing up my routine. I’ve begun to get outdoors first thing in the morning for a short run. I’m trying to do this every day. Day three only 😛 but I’m feeling better. I have turned a corner and suddenly feel more energetic and motivated creatively.
I have been neglecting my current manuscripts. I’m not sure why. Thinking on it, I suppose it takes more focus than I can give right now. Like I’m running on a low battery. On the other hand, painting journal covers has been really therapeutic. I’ve been making a mess and seeing it turn into something lovely. Using all my paint, even the expensive ones, and getting my hands covered in it has given me a freedom of expression much needed at the moment.
In addition, there’s a sense of time being limited and not saving things for ‘good’. Taking chances. Making mistakes. Using all my supplies. And now I’m drinking from my grandmother’s tea cups I rarely use (because I’m afraid to break them) and wearing those fancy earrings to go, well, nowhere. While I’m at it, I’ll give myself a break. I’ll do what I feel not what I should.
Are you doing what you feel or what you should?
Staying safe right now means staying somewhat isolated. If you are feeling disconnected like I am, maybe you are working on re-connecting with self. Do share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s chat.
Meantime, stay healthy, use the good dishes and don’t forget to do something nice for yourself. Never treat yourself like a misplaced, dangling apostrophe.
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Christine Carter
December 2, 2020 at 7:25 amOh, my friend, I am SO sorry to hear about your sister! My heart aches for your loss. You of all people don’t deserve that cruelty!!
I feel terrible for not knowing about this. I wish I could have offered you support when this happened. Please know you will be in my prayers as I’m sure this grief stays with you and the isolation of the pandemic and your family can be so lonely and hard.
I’m so glad you are taking good care of YOU. Listening to your needs and using your creative gifts to express your feelings through your art. Keep loving yourself through this, dear friend. I’m loving you from here…
Lisa Thomson
December 3, 2020 at 9:33 amHi Chris, it’s sooo nice to see your smiling face! Thank you for your words of comfort. The self care is something I’ve been getting better at for sure. And I’ve been feeling more motivated to work on my manuscript, so that’s a good sign.
I hope you and your family are coping well during this unprecedented time. You are giving yourself some TLC, I hope, as I know you are one to take care of everyone else first. Hugs!
Louise Gallagher
November 25, 2020 at 1:11 pmDearest Lisa, so very sorry to read about your sister and your family’s treatment of you. That sucks.
Grief can bring out the best in us, or the worst. It sounds like it is bringing out the best of you. What a gift.
Like you, I am leaning further into listening to my whole body and letting it guide me through whatever it is feeling in the moment. If that means a bath at 2 in the afternoon, that’s what I do.
I am spending a great deal of time in my studio — and seem to be stalling on the writing side — though I love what one responder said about the writing being there when you’re ready for it!
Sending you much healing light and comfort.
lisa
November 25, 2020 at 8:57 pmThank you, Louise. Your words are of great comfort.
Yeah, it can be strange to listen strictly to body and not mind and go with it. But it is nurturing! Good to hear you are doing the same. Ah, I love your art journaling and if you’re spending more time in your studio, that’s a great thing! Funny that something has to give…I wish I could fire back adn forth between writing and my paint but it doesn’t seem to work that way. Oh, well. WE must let it flow!! 🙂 Thank you, Louise for your well wishes.
DGKaye
November 20, 2020 at 5:08 pmOh Lis, I’m sorry for your family grief. Sadly, I can relate in so many ways. It’s the year of the purge. You’re finding out what and who is good for you in your life and who you can do without. Take this time as you are, working on self. The manuscripts will be there when you’re ready. Stay safe, and stay connected. <3 xx
lisa
November 21, 2020 at 7:19 amThank you, Deb. I’m sure you can relate. Yes, purging in all aspects is important now and this pandemic has really been an internal learning experience as much as an external. I hope I can get back to them soon. Stay safe too, Deb. 🙂 xx
Marie Kléber
November 20, 2020 at 7:25 amThis is not an easy time, for the world and for you and you’re si right to take it easy Lisa. And do things that make you feel good. There’s a time for everything and we should not rush when dealing with emotions.
I feel disconnected as well and finding peace inside is the best deal for me right now. No pressure.
I love just usings pens and watercolor and let go. Doing yoga and meditation, whatever feels good to me.
Sending you much love and stay true to yourself Lisa. xx
lisa
November 21, 2020 at 7:17 amThank you, Marie! Art does help us find peace inside. Yoga is a big help to me as well. Good to hear you’re taking good care of yourself, Marie. Thank you for sending love and well wishes my way. xx
Jeff
November 19, 2020 at 6:11 pmThis is a hard time for funerals (my mother died in early October, right after I moved to the mountains). Take care of yourself. I tend to take walks, and I need to be taking more of them.
new blog: https://fromarockyhillside.com
lisa
November 19, 2020 at 10:19 pmI’m sorry for your loss, Jeff. My gosh that’s a huge loss for you. You too, and yes, walks are good. There are days when getting outside seems too much of an effort, but once you’re out it’s soooooo good. Take care and I will pop over and read about your adventures in the mountains. 🙂
LA CONTESSA
November 19, 2020 at 1:56 pmWhats the saying…………?AT least you can pick YOUR FRIENDS!!
Something like that.I guess it makes them FEEL BETTER? May I ask what made YOU the black SHEEP?No need to explain………..none of our business.JUST KNOW YOU ARENOT ALONE!
AT the moment I am sinking deeper and deeper………..I donot see this ending soon……..and my favorite little gift shop will be closing.
IT could be worse!BOMBS could be falling and there could be NO FOOD!
JANUARY will be better!I CAN’T WAIT!!
XX
lisa
November 19, 2020 at 4:31 pm🙂 Probably. You can ask me that of course but it would be hard to answer. It’s an evolving situation.
It’s surprising how many people relate to being a black sheep not fully understanding how they got there.
Yes, this pandemic is really hitting hard. Aw, hang in there, LA CONTESSA. Reading your blog last night was a real bright spot in my day. Always so beautiful and positive, you are.
Oh, no. The closing of the little stores is really sad. I’ve seen a few of them here close up as well. I am trying to do my Christmas shopping with the local little stores. It’s just such a hard time for businesses esp retail.
Exactly! At least we are safe and have our homes and peace. When it is over, and it will end, it won’t seem so long looking back. We’ll say “Remember when we had to wear masks for a year?”
2021–looking forward to it, too.
Tamara
November 19, 2020 at 8:45 amI am so so sorry for that loss. It’s one I imagine burns incredibly deeply. And I’m sorry about your family’s actions. I don’t get it – you seem so loving and wise.
The pandemic is a huge bummer for me, and the election and new baby are not. Light in the darkness.
Much love to you.
lisa
November 19, 2020 at 8:58 amThank you so much, Tamara. Yeah, family dynamics are a strange thing that evolve and change over time.
YES, there are good things happening in spite of it all and your new baby is certainly a light! I think this pandemic is really sinking in hard now with the surges. Much love back to you. xx
Balroop Singh
November 18, 2020 at 9:03 pmAww…Lisa, I could understand those emotions within your words. It makes me sad that your own siblings, with whom you grew up have become alienated and have even deprived you of the opportunity to grieve together. It is better to choose the positive aspect of detaching from toxic relationships and get involved in our own activities. Self-care is most important, as health would always remain supreme. I am glad you are focused on self-care. Stay safe, soon the dark clouds would lift and life would become normal. Meanwhile smile and say: life is like that, it flows despite the challenges. 🙂
lisa
November 18, 2020 at 10:12 pmThank you, Balroop. It has been a long road but bottom line, grieving together is the norm (should be, I think). But yes, I’m taking a positive outlook and getting through this with creative pursuits and self-care. Always so important but we tend to forget.
YES. Love this: ” Meanwhile smile and say: life is like that, it flows despite the challenges. 🙂” EXACTLY. xxoo