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As we all know, it’s difficult to initiate divorce. Imagine what it was like over one hundred years ago?
In order to get a divorce in Canada back in 1890’s to 1920’s, you had to apply to the Canada Gazette. This required the petitioner to disclose and publish for all to see, details of the demise of the marriage. Not until six months passed would the divorce be considered by Parliament (which would pass an “Act of Divorce”) nullifying the marriage.
Now, imagine being married to an abusive alcoholic with two small children in the late nineteenth century? That was exactly the position Priscilla, the original Escapee, found herself in. Her younger sister also lived in her marital home and rumor has it, that when hubs got drunk, he took a shine to little sister. This was problematic for Priscilla on various levels. Worst of all was the abuse that would be dished out both verbal and physical.
You might be wondering, who the heck is Priscilla? Let me explain it this way, I wouldn’t exist if Priscilla hadn’t changed her life.
Priscilla (nee) Figg (her real name) was my great-grandmother. She died in 1947, long before I was born. Although her story has only been shared with me in bits and pieces (that I’ve tried to put together here), I’m intrigued by the very idea that this woman left an abusive marriage but also re-married a man ten years her junior, and had four more children!
Her eldest daughter from her second marriage, Georgina, was my grandmother who was born in 1902. My grandmother lived to be 100 and she and I enjoyed a close relationship up until she suffered from dementia in her early 90’s.
Getting back to Priscilla’s story…
Priscilla was making do, surviving each day while her husband went to work as a logger by day, and drank by night with the men after the work day was through.
Things became dire for Priscilla as she wasn’t certain of her safety from day to day. More urgent was her concern for the safety of her young children and her sister. Divorce was not commonly practiced nor taken lightly.
In 1890’s, marriage was a forever contract and too bad, so sad if it wasn’t working out the way you thought it would. Suck it up buttercup.
Well, Priscilla did one better. She made a plan.
Not only did she make a detailed and what many would consider outlandish, plan, but she executed it with precision.
“Priscilla awoke on the day. It was finally here. Although her heart was breaking in the core, the outer layers were already shattered, and she knew today was the day she would be forced to say goodbye. She made the arrangements weeks ago. Her young children *phyllis and *little Joe, would be placed temporarily in the orphanage. She would have to do the unthinkable to get away from her husband, *Leo. The boss, the man in charge, the man who owned her but not for much longer…
She packed the children’s things in one large suitcase being sure to include some of their favorite toys. She had even ensured her sister, Charlotte, was taken care of. Priscilla had arranged for Charlotte’s best friend’s family to take her in for the short term. Charlotte was more than happy to agree and didn’t ask Priscilla any questions. She would continue to work at the elementary school until Priscilla returned.
“Where are we going, momma?” little Phyllis asked, curiously.
Priscilla swallowed hard and held back the tears that threatened to flow.
“We’re going to take the tram to town, honey. Mommy needs you to be a good girl, okay?”
“Why, mamma?” Phyllis frowned.
“Don’t worry little one, everything is going to be okay from now on. Mamma promises.”
But it was a rare occasion that she would take her children on the public transport to the city, and therefore the children would be alarmed. Priscilla comforted them as best she could while lifting them into the carriage that would take her to the closest tram station. She placed the large suitcase on the opposite seat while Mr. Tanner, the driver signaled the horses with his whip to move along. Their hooves kicked up a little dust and Phyllis, squinted under her bonnet.
It was a stroke of luck that she saw Mr. Tanner passing by three days ago, and she was able to stop his horse and carriage and request that he come to pick her and the children up on the set day of her departure. She told Leo that she would be taking the children into town to see to her mother since she had become ill. He had no idea and neither did her sister, or anyone else for that matter, that she would soon be heading south on the train, to the city of Seattle. The less people knew, the safer she and the children would be.
First, she had to get the children settled.
The orphanage was a set of three separate houses, brightly painted and set together on a property with lawns and tire swings tied up in the old trees. Now that it was in sight, Priscilla’s throat tightened. It was time to explain to her children why she was leaving them. It didn’t make a difference whether it was for one night or one year. Saying goodbye was the hardest part of her plan.
Hopefully, you will understand one day, Priscilla thought as she held the children in her arms one last time.
The children’s cries rang in her ears as she got back on the tram to ride to the train station. She had her birth certificate in her pocket and a small bag for her personal things she would need for the duration of her stay. At the U.S. border the guards got on the train to check the identification of passengers and were surprised as Priscilla was sitting unaccompanied. It wasn’t often they saw a woman alone. Nonetheless, they let her through after she answered the basic questions.
If only they knew what she was really up to.
Priscilla would be seeking a divorce decree in Seattle. She was informed by a confidante, that in Seattle no conditions were required for a divorce except for the passing of time. Three months after filing, Priscilla would no longer be Mrs. Braverman. If *Leo knew anything about her plan to leave him, he may threaten her life and she wasn’t going to take that chance.
This way, he would have no way of knowing where she had gone. And last night, she prayed her escape plan would work, while he slept off the effects of the whisky.
The bruises from his finger marks were still visible on her upper arm, a reminder of why she was doing this.
In six months Priscilla would truly be free of the man who terrorized her for five years. She would collect her babies and move in with her older brother. The important thing was their life could only get better by leaving Leo behind.”
The first I heard anything at all about Priscilla was from my grandmother, Georgina, when I was about nineteen. My grandmother as I mentioned, is the result of Priscilla’s second marriage which was a happy one by all accounts.
According to Census Canada records, Priscilla married John Griffith (my great grandfather) on March 3, 1902. I have no idea how they met. That might be a fun story to make up…
My grandmother had many stories of the blended family. Their home was a full house, with the four older half siblings. As my grandmother reminisced, she had happy memories of being taken care of by the older children from her mother’s first marriage.
In reference to *Leo, my grandmother simply said, “He was a bad man.” We were talking about her childhood, over tea and muffins, sitting at her dining room table where we often shared confidences. My curiosity was piqued but I didn’t press for more details. Now I wish I had.
Priscilla’s daughters from her second marriage, my grandmother, Georgina (left) and her sister, Eva (right).
The details of the story are sketchy so I took liberty to add a few. However, it is a fact that Priscilla put the children in an orphanage temporarily while she made the trip to Seattle. When she returned to get them, she found them well adjusted, as the story goes. Yet, I can only imagine the desperation and heartbreak that must have consumed her to have to leave her babies. She obviously had her mind set on a better future for them and was able to make this temporary sacrifice to accomplish her goal.
I can only have respect for this woman. I think of her when I think of many of us who have struggled with our divorces especially those of us who instigated the separation. I think, if Priscilla could do it in 1895 (roughly) then anyone can do it.
We all have the power to improve our lives. We may have to make sacrifices initially or for a period of time. That doesn’t mean we need to stay in a bad situation.
Do you know an original Escapee or are you related to one?
*not real names
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Kimberly @ Caffeinated Reviewer
October 23, 2018 at 8:19 amOh wow, thanks for sharing not only historical facts, but your families story. She sounds like a remarkable and strong woman.
john Shell
October 23, 2018 at 2:09 amBeautiful story and you’re such a Strong Woman.
lisa
October 25, 2018 at 7:48 amThanks, John 🙂
My Inner Chick
October 21, 2018 at 10:32 amWell, Priscilla did one better. She made a plan.****
Amazing. Priscilla is a hero, a pioneer for all women.
Those photos are fantastic.
What a fabulous story, Lisa. Perhaps, she is where you get your VOICE from!))) xxxx
lisa
October 22, 2018 at 8:28 pmAw, thank you, Kim! Could very well be. She was the spirit I needed xxx
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
October 18, 2018 at 7:45 pmWhat a fascinating story and how cool that you are related to such a brave, strong woman!
lisa
October 22, 2018 at 8:27 pmThank you, Marcia!
Jane Thrive
October 18, 2018 at 5:54 pmOh Lisa!! My eyes filled with tears reading about the bravery of your great great grandmother!! how on earth did she do it? And her poor sister!!!! Priscilla is inspiring and brave and her life is a touchstone for those who are terrified to leave a bad situation. She is amazing to have figured out a way to escape and to ensure the safety and happiness of her life and her babies. <3 <3 <3 Love and love and hugs and hugs to her memory and to you and your family!!
lisa
October 22, 2018 at 8:27 pmthanks, Jane! She really was brave to have gotten out! And she was able to start over with a new man and have more children. <3<3<3 to you, too!
Marie Kléber
October 15, 2018 at 7:29 amThis is a powerful story Lisa. Wow! This woman was one of a kind.
No doubt she is an inspiration for many women. It takes a lot of courage and love to make such a choice, be apart from your kids for some time and start from scratch.
Thank you so much for sharing Lisa. It’s really inspiring.
lisa
October 16, 2018 at 11:20 amYes, indeed. Very courageous! You know from your own experience just how hard it is, Marie. You’re equally courageous.
Kimberly
October 15, 2018 at 4:45 amThat is a fantastic story – I mean, real life story of survival. I can’t even fathom what women had to go through, endure during those eras. She was so incredibly brave to get out and start a new life not only for herself but for her children. That last photo says it all. I really loved this.
lisa
October 16, 2018 at 11:20 amYES. I know! It’s hard to imagine although I did have to put myself in 1890’s lower mainland, B.C. to try to figure out how she pulled off the ultimate escape. Thanks, Kim!
Vishnu
October 12, 2018 at 11:13 pmWhat an amazing story! Makes your blog and writings even more important for so many reasons, Lisa! Such an inspiring and strong woman. The legacy lives on 🙂
I …unfortunately am the orginal escapee – well, wait, what’s the person who didn’t escape and wanted the marriage to continue to last? lol I’m that person and first in probably a 200+ year family ancestry.
lisa
October 13, 2018 at 6:35 pmIt really is extraordinary. I guess I’m carrying the torch for Priscilla 😀
Vishnu, you are so humble and honest. I think it’s amazing what you’ve taken from such a difficult experience. You’re helping others discover true love or at least, to not stop believing in it! Although I admire your family’s luck in making marriage work, you are the pioneer in the family. You’re showing the rest how to be resilient and move on.
Christine Carter
October 12, 2018 at 7:09 amWOW. Just WOW. What an incredible story, Lisa!! This is just amazing. I can’t even imagine the courage Priscilla must have had to go through this terrifying and heartbreaking pursuit to be set free of such a “bad man”. I am just SO glad she was able to start a new life with her kids and find a man that knew how to love her well. This is SO INSPIRING. Thank you for sharing such an amazing piece of history that shows how brave and strong and resilient women can be. Just incredible.
lisa
October 13, 2018 at 6:29 pmRight? It’s hard to imagine what she went through to change her life. This was my lame attempt to. It was not spoken of at all in our family. Only my grandmother discussed it and that was very limited. I was curious about her when she appeared to me in a dream a few years ago. I have no idea what she looks like but I KNEW the woman in my dream was her. She was with my grandmother (Georgina), and that’s how I realized it must be her. Don’t you love vivid dreams? Some people say they’re just mixed up memories or chemicals—but I believe there are messages in some of them. I have so much RESPECT for her. Thanks for stopping over, Chris!
Tamara
October 11, 2018 at 12:12 pmWhat a story! I’m glad she went back for her kids. That’s so haunting, but definitely for the best. Total courageous woman! And I’d love to hear the love story about her second love too..
lisa
October 11, 2018 at 6:57 pmHey Tamara, yes, that was the plan all along, to go back and get the kids. That’s what my second cousin (who I called ‘aunt’) told me. I happened to run into her at a café one afternoon and I asked her about Priscilla. It seemed like our mutual grandmother was working the universe to make us connect. My second cousin has since passed away.
Yes, I would love to know that story. My mother may have some info on that. I’ll have to ask her!
DGKaye
October 10, 2018 at 5:12 pmBingo! Thanks! That was weird, I didn’t see my gravatar until I refreshed? So many gremlins going on with WP these days. 🙂
lisa
October 11, 2018 at 6:53 pmThe gremlins on wordpress are a real annoyance 😛 !
Jeri
October 10, 2018 at 10:39 amMy cousin (who passed away in 2010 after a four-wheeler accident) left her husband late one night with just the clothes on her back and the shoes on her feet. She got a bus ticket and showed up on my sister’s doorstep. She even had to leave her son behind for a while. Her husband was bipolar and also did things like make her drive him to and from work, even if the drive was two or three hours away. But she finally made the break and was getting her life back on track and becoming her own person, but then she got in the accident that took her life. I’m glad she had a few years to truly be her own person.
lisa
October 10, 2018 at 4:51 pmOh, wow! She was brave. I guess it was life or death…she did what she had to in the moment. I’m so sorry she didn’t get to enjoy her freedom for very long. Do you see her son at all? I’m curious where he ended up 🙂
Jeri
October 10, 2018 at 5:34 pmHe’s doing okay considering all he’s been through. I haven’t seen him for at least a couple of years, but at least he’s around on FB.
lisa
October 11, 2018 at 6:54 pmGood to hear he’s doing okay, Jeri! Quite the trauma.
Balroop Singh
October 9, 2018 at 7:06 pmI can understand how difficult it must have been for Priscilla to leave her marriage one hundred years ago! What a brave woman she must have been, daring to stand against societal norms and even making all the arrangements…so incredible! I salute your great-grand mother Lisa. Thanks for sharing such an inspiring story.
lisa
October 10, 2018 at 10:28 amThank you, Balroop! She was courageous to take those steps and to have to put her children in an orphanage must have been heart wrenching.
DGKaye
October 9, 2018 at 5:59 pmWhat a beautiful story of empowering women down your line Lis. The time has come. The matriarch are taking back the reins. You grandmothers would be proud. <3
lisa
October 10, 2018 at 10:27 amYES. Thanks, Deb. So true that she is a huge inspiration. If only I had known more about her and her story a decade or two ago 😛
DGKaye
October 10, 2018 at 3:25 pmOften we don’t learn things at the most opportune times, lol. Better late than never 🙂 And wondering my my gravatar isn’t showing here 🙁
lisa
October 10, 2018 at 4:48 pmIndeed. But, better late than never.
Your gravatar is showing up on my computer! Is it still not showing on yours when you refresh the page?
Ellen Shook
October 9, 2018 at 5:52 pmWhat a story! Wonderful legacy and example. I, too, have regretted not asking more questions about certain things in my family’s history, especially now that there is no one alive who can answer them.
lisa
October 10, 2018 at 10:26 amThanks, Ellen. I had to piece it together for sure as I haven’t got the detailed story. I’m not sure if anyone in the family actually does…
At least with Ancestry.com, it’s easier to find out who is in our family tree and more details about them. Try it 🙂