A list of ten things seems to be a nice way to reflect on complex issues. You can check out my previous post listing 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce. Although today’s list is similar, I wanted to emphasize some new points.

It’s like my older self is telling my younger (about to get divorced) self, what to expect.

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

It’s no secret that the initial stages of divorce prove to be the most dangerous time in a woman’s life. Yet, we tend to remain positively naive. That makes sense of course, because we’re going through so much for the first time and we are unaware of the hidden or subtle vulnerabilities.

image by Erin Smith

Oh my, it’s graduation, wedding, and recital season around the corner. This means ex encounters (of the third kind) of many kinds. Perhaps you’re on good terms with your ex, or maybe many years have passed so you have this down…if so skip down to the comments and tell us how you do it. On the other hand,  if you’re not,  you’ll need to be ready for this possible barrage of social ex encounters. 

THIS IS US —  Jack (Milo Ventimiglia) & Rebecca (Mandy Moore) centre with best friends Miguel & Shelly (Photo by: Ron Batzdorff/NBC)

I watched the whole season of the new show This Is Us…I was hooked after episode two. And it takes a lot to get me hooked these days.

One scene struck a chord with me. Jack and Rebecca are getting ready to meet their best friends for a dinner (a standing date) and Rebecca wasn’t feeling festive and wanted to stay home. Jack told her that they had to go because Miguel and Shelly had something they wanted to talk to them about. So, in the middle of their appetizer, when everyone had a drink in hand, Miguel made an announcement. “We’re getting divorced.”

image source Dreamstime

One of the biggest changes during divorce is losing the marital home, which I have written about before here.

It’s a loss that isn’t easy to swallow for many couples who have taken pride in their home. Dare I say, they’ve considered their home something of a status symbol or a page out of a decorating magazine? That will all change. You’ll see though that what really matters isn’t the shell of a home but who and what is inside it.

Happy Sunday, Escapees. Today I’m over at Vishnu’s blog answering some burning divorce questions. I think you will find this an interesting interview and one worth sharing with loved ones who may be thinking about divorce right now. Here’s a snippet;

What led you to leave your marriage?

Well, I guess you won’t be surprised when I say it was multiple things rather than one event. It was many small and big things over many years that ultimately led to the demise of my marriage. I finally accepted my unhappiness at the core of my being and gave myself permission to accept that life wasn’t turning out the way I expected. I faced the fact that it had to change. I realized too that ending a marriage, knowing what we need in our life to live authentically, is a very personal matter.

image source from unsplash by Didier Weemaels

Ideally, we would hire the best lawyer in town to handle our divorce proceedings. That’s not reality, however. The fact of the matter is very few of us can afford a top lawyer, and even many more can barely afford a bottom of the heap lawyer (not that we would recognize that until we’re half way through).

The sad truth about our divorce law is, it isn’t keeping up with the digital age and does nothing to rectify an economic divide when it comes to legal services.

“I have been a divorce lawyer for 20 years and the last time Canada’s Divorce Act was changed was in 1986, pre-dating the internet. In other words, Family Law in Canada operates as if the internet didn’t happen.”-Andrew Feldstein

That may be slowly changing though I’ll expand on that in a moment.

The question becomes should we spend our children’s education fund or our very last penny in our savings account on a lawyer? What choice do we have and how can we mitigate our financial losses during divorce.

10 Tips to improve your Christmas post divorce, is something I think will help anyone coping with co-parenting issues over the holidays. One of the most difficult times of the year for divorced and broken families is undoubtedly the Christmas Season.  Especially the first couple of years when it is a time for re-building and transitioning the new family unit.  What makes this even harder is having  to let go of old traditions.  Also, Christmas memories from before the divorce are still raw.  Due to these changes in family dynamics, the holidays become a challenge and a tug of war between households.  Neither Mom nor Dad want to be alone during this time and the children inevitably get caught in the middle.

image source; unsplash

Insomnia is a common problem during divorce. Any time of stress actually, can cause a bad case of insomnia. There’s nothing worse than losing sleep, especially when it’s over things we can’t control. In hopes to alleviate the problem for anyone experiencing insomnia now, I’ve put together five quick tips to help plus a bonus tip. Some are tried and true (no caffeine in the evening) and some are my own remedies (keeping a notebook on my nightstand).

image source; collider film review. Will Ferrel in Everything Must Go

Letting go of our stuff is one of the steps to moving forward but how and when can we do this? That’s the tricky part and there isn’t one perfect answer. Each of us hold different attachments to our things, stuff. We all have various degrees of emotional attachment.  At the outset of divorce we can be a little too hasty in discarding our old life. Until some time passes, we don’t know what these items will mean to us. What memory will they evoke or what part of ourselves will they represent. if any? If you’re not sure right now, then keep them and let some time pass before revisiting their worth.