The Wedding Date

Tis the season…for weddings.  Yay.  Sometimes the last thing we feel like doing is attending a wedding as a single divorcee. The romance, the dancing, the ‘love’ in the air is enough to choke the bitterness right out of us.

image source iampoopsie.com

One of the inevitable side effects of divorce is the ensuing gossip.  Yes, little old you become fodder and material for idle gossip.  Whether they’re neighbors, teachers, friends, acquaintances or sports parents your name seems to be on the tip of their tongue.

Being too nice during your divorce

can cost you…money, assets and even the kids.  I’ve heard many stories of regret and loss due to taking the ‘high road’ and being ‘nice’.  This is especially true for us women as we are raised to be caring and nurturing. It’s part of our feminine quality.  It’s double true for women who make the decision to leave.  They, more than anyone are troubled with guilt which leads to being too nice and trying to keep everyone happy.

I was perusing a few antique stores the other day in Gastown, a funky neighborhood in my hometown of Vancouver.  I always find it interesting that in every store there is inevitably a box full of old, black and white family photos.  Who are these people?  Well, they could be anyone.  They could be my own relatives and I wouldn’t even know it! These snaps made me think about how all of our family photos are similar.    These old photos each tell their own story but collectively they reflect a certain time, with certain attitudes and mores.

The wedding photos in particular, made me smile to myself.  Must

credit; some e-cards

Are you on social media sites?  How has being involved in social media effected your divorce?  There was no social media when I was first separated.  When I joined face book it was to stay in touch with long distance friends and extended family.  I had been

Demi Moore in The Scarlett Letter

I’ve never felt so ostracized as I did post divorce.  I was the woman wearing the Scarlett Letter, it seemed.  It turns out you don’t need to be an adulterer to be shunned, especially if you are the one to end the marriage.

Can you return without the social stigma?  Is it true you can never go back?  Can you walk the same streets and feel like the same person?

If you have relocated after a difficult divorce, you may return one day and ask yourself these very questions.  I pondered these questions upon my return to a city my children still call home.

We’ve grown up only to learn Cinderella’s carriage was a pumpkin to begin with.  Our foot never fit the glass slipper.  Sleeping Beauty ate a bad apple and maybe we took a bite from the same one.  We’re not in Kansas anymore!  Learning the fairy tale doesn’t always have that happy ending is a hard lesson, even for cynics.