Hello, dear friends. What’s been on my mind is our deteriorating environment and my role in it. Specifically thinking about the cost of convenience. As I place a crack-caffeine, coffee pod into my Keurig machine…I’ve come to realize I’m not doing my part.

I was inspired by Marc Chernoff’s recent post at Marc & Angel hack Life. Marc lists ten hard things you shouldn’t be afraid of doing for yourself. What I took away from this list is that fear of change is the underlying culprit of happiness or the cause of —death while living.

In his post, every single thing Marc listed resonated with me. Usually when I read a ten reasons or tips post, I can take away half of them and leave the rest. Not this time.

Hey friends, how is your summer experience? Remember two summers ago, I wrote about frolicking in your bikini? Well, I’ve actually done that this summer so can say I’m experiencing IT. Good old Hilda knows how! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read no further before clicking the above link.

So, checking in with my July goals re-cap;

A list of ten things seems to be a nice way to reflect on complex issues. You can check out my previous post listing 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce. Although today’s list is similar, I wanted to emphasize some new points.

It’s like my older self is telling my younger (about to get divorced) self, what to expect.

LAS VEGAS, NV – OCTOBER 02: A cowboy hat lays in the street  (Photo by David Becker/Getty Images) image used with permission pending

How can I write about divorce when there’s so much crap going on? This week was a doozy, yes? If you are offended by swear words, then click away and come back next week.

Las Vegas, AK rifles, massacres, terrorist attacks, hurricane destruction—-yuck. Violent words. Violent worlds.

image source Dreamstime

One of the biggest changes during divorce is losing the marital home, which I have written about before here.

It’s a loss that isn’t easy to swallow for many couples who have taken pride in their home. Dare I say, they’ve considered their home something of a status symbol or a page out of a decorating magazine? That will all change. You’ll see though that what really matters isn’t the shell of a home but who and what is inside it.

image source; collider film review. Will Ferrel in Everything Must Go

Letting go of our stuff is one of the steps to moving forward but how and when can we do this? That’s the tricky part and there isn’t one perfect answer. Each of us hold different attachments to our things, stuff. We all have various degrees of emotional attachment.  At the outset of divorce we can be a little too hasty in discarding our old life. Until some time passes, we don’t know what these items will mean to us. What memory will they evoke or what part of ourselves will they represent. if any? If you’re not sure right now, then keep them and let some time pass before revisiting their worth.

image source creative commons

Who’s that girl? They whisper as you walk away. “I used to know her when…” Reluctant to look you in the eye, they’ll watch you walk away. Their eyes burn your back. Talking to one another in hushed tones, they lean together conspiratorially. You would smile and say hello if only they would acknowledge you. Even so, you walk away with your head held high.

Memory sketch of the back view of our old home

On facebook the other day, a divorced father and friend of mine (from one of the first divorce support groups I belonged to) posted an interesting set of photos. The status update read “went to see the old house today with the kids. We peeked inside the windows and went in the backyard. I planted that tree and look how big it is now.” He had some of his old photos mixed in with photos he took of the kids beside the tree today. I thought it was really great how he had images of 10 years ago and today, how the kids and trees had grown. Bitter-sweet, I think.

It got me thinking about my recent view of my old marital home, where my babies were born. I didn’t get to walk around and peek in windows. My view was a virtual one. I couldn’t see the back of the house but this sketch is from memory. It’s obvious I’m not an architect 😉 I must practice my sketching skills but I digress.

“Lisa, you’ve changed.” he said. I wanted to answer;

“Yes, you’ve changed me.” Instead, I simply stared and waited for him to finish his point, which he did not.

I won’t say who said it or when. I will say that it’s been said by more than one person. I will also say that it’s true. I have changed. Since when? I’m not sure…but I have changed. Here’s the thing, I’m a human being. I’m not an inanimate object. If I’m not changing then I must be dead.

It’s okay to change isn’t it?