photo credit: beachriot.tumblr.com
Recently, I had the good fortune to spend a few days at our family’s summer place. I often retreat there, even in winter time but there is something really special about the summer. I’m not sure if it’s the small town, ‘back in time’ feel or simply being surrounded by the ocean that does it. But once you are there for a few hours you start to feel the relaxation kick in. The worries and tension, all too common during divorce seem to melt away.
Ryan O’Neal with daughter Tatum circa 1975
Recently, dining out in a casual restaurant I observed a father and daughter sitting at the next table. There was quiet conversation over a beer while they waited for their meal. Shortly after the extra large pizza arrived, the daughter got up from the table with a shake of the head as though the pizza was making her suddenly ill.
The father in a flash was left sitting alone seemingly bewildered.
He explained to the kind waitress the pizza would now be ‘to go’. As she carefully took the pizza from the table I discretely
When we find out we’re expecting we are overwhelmed and delighted by the prospect of entering a new phase in our life; motherhood. We want to do what’s best for our babies. Thus begins the long path of putting our children’s needs before our own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is a bad thing however, as we learn years later, the decision we thought was the best at one point, ends up hurting us.
I can’t think of a better way to spend a rainy day then to pen a love letter. During divorce we stop believing in love, so bring back that feeling by writing a love letter to anyone of your choice, maybe someone you’ve always admired from afar.
Demi Moore in The Scarlett Letter
I’ve never felt so ostracized as I did post divorce. I was the woman wearing the Scarlett Letter, it seemed. It turns out you don’t need to be an adulterer to be shunned, especially if you are the one to end the marriage.
Can you return without the social stigma? Is it true you can never go back? Can you walk the same streets and feel like the same person?
If you have relocated after a difficult divorce, you may return one day and ask yourself these very questions. I pondered these questions upon my return to a city my children still call home.
My favorite picture of my kids
Starting with the blue stick through to sticky glue, sticky fingers and sticky situations; motherhood has it all. When we decide to have babies we think of it as a destination, a place we’ve come to or a decision we’ve made. But motherhood defined, is a JOURNEY. A beginning, middle and an end that hopefully never comes until it’s our turn to leave this world.
We can thank Paul Simon for the clever suggestions in “50 Ways To Leave Your lover Husband”. Paul was one of the best singer, songwriters of his generation. I remember this song as a child and thinking there was something very unusual about the tune and the lyrics. It was both catchy and dangerous at the same time.
Abuse during divorce is more common than we realize. When we take the step to end our marriage, we extricate ourselves from the marital turmoil only to find ourselves the target of even more abusive behaviors. The ex can become aggressive, verbally abusive, threatening, and sometimes paranoid. The truth is the bigger their ego, the more intensely they react to the end of the marriage or relationship.
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