Narcissists Unable to Concede to Loss (5 Behaviors to Expect)

Reading time approx 8 minutes

It won’t surprise you to read that narcissists are unable to concede to loss of anything—big or small. Taking Trump’s inability to accept the recent vote and his loss to Biden, sets up a perfect case study. As I read the Washington Post’s article and full audio transcript of Trump’s call to Georgia’s Secretary of State, Brad Raffensperger, I recognize all the typical signs of a narcissist’s inability to concede to loss.

On a more personal level, from my own experience, a narcissist cannot accept being wrong in any way. They are only angered by facts that interfere with their own self aggrandizing or wishful thinking.

A narcissist is sure to appeal any legal decision that is not in their favor. A narcissist take facts that are not in their favor as a personal vendetta. They will also have several flying monkeys (i.e. Rudy Giulliani) to back them up.

Just for fun, they will tell you everyone hates you—if you are the truth teller, fact finder, agenda resister. In other words if you are not aligned with the narcissist’s agenda (by defense or offense) then you are; tragic, criminal, a whiner, no one likes you, and possibly the devil himself.

But in addition to the above, I’ve seen through personal experience, a pattern of behavior typical in a narcissist who has lost something, or someone.

Here are 5 common behavior patterns when a narcissist loses

Refusal to accept facts

Foremost, the narcissist refuses to accept facts that do not coordinate with their self image. For example, if daddy did not pay child support, and it was brought up as evidence in a court of law, he would refute those facts. Instead, they will create their own facts without any evidentiary foundation and expect that their word is gospel.

Listen in on Trump’s (referred to as ‘T’ going forward) refusal to concede to voter facts:

In reference to the counting machines;

“That Dominion is really moving fast to get rid of their machinery. That’s illegal right?”

“But they have moved inner parts of the machines and replaced them with other parts?”

When the secretary of state offers to send the president a link with the full video recording, T says he doesn’t want it. He doesn’t “need the link”. Why? Because he doesn’t need a fact that shoots down his baseless allegation of voter fraud.

And then he asks “what about shredding of ballots?” As though the very question proves it is a real thing.

Further, T insists that the whole population of Georgia is angry with the secretary of state, because the election results are inaccurate. The whole state of Georgia aligns their emotions with a single man? Not likely but in a narcissist’s world this is entirely plausible.

Self aggrandizement

Many of us have been at a cocktail party where a person tells a great story about themselves, building up their __________ fill in the blank (business, childhood, athletic achievements, sexual conquests).

The first time we hear it, we may believe it because why would someone make this outlandish shit up? The second time we hear it, we scratch our heads in doubt because we know it’s all B.S. If we ever hear it again (shame on us) then we know that it is worse than B.S. It’s actually a fantasy created in the story-teller’s mind designed to build up their own image. EGO.

Let’s look at T again. As the telephone call dragged on, T’s winning votes over Biden’s ballooned. At the beginning of the call T says he “lost in theory” in Georgia by 11,777 votes.

Later: “I think I probably did win it by half a million votes.”

Later: “I won this vote by hundreds of thousands of votes. There’s no way I lost Georgia. There’s no way.”

Later: “And the real truth is, I won by 400,000 votes. At least.”

He quips to the secretary of state that he doesn’t care about social media and that they are a big tech company that is on Raffensperger’s (secretary of state’s) side.

T says, “This isn’t social media. This is Trump media.” Trump media, huh? what channel or platform is that exactly? Well, it’s one we can’t see because it only exists in his self aggrandized fantasy.

Personal Attack

It is very common for a narcissist to tell you how no one likes you or that someone (a mutual friend) who once liked you can’t stand you anymore. Popularity is a big thing for a narcissist.

Beyond simple social blacklisting, in a political or legal setting, a narcissist will continue to make popularity a central issue. As well, your name, your looks, your children are all fair game even when the issue is a business or legal one. Personal attacks are the narcissist’s hand grenade.

A great example of this is when T senses he is not able to coerce the secretary of state he addresses Ryan Germany, “Why don’t you want to find this, Ryan? What’s wrong with you? I heard your lawyer is very difficult, actually, but I’m sure you’re a good lawyer. You have a nice last name.”

What is wrong with you? I can’t tell you how many times I was asked this very question. Then followed up with some thin form of flattery in an attempt to persuade me to sign something. So, if there is some kind of agenda that the narcissist needs to complete, even if it’s business related, they will make it very personal.

For example, I was once following a court ordered recommendation by a judge because it was the right thing to do, at least in a normal world. But when this course of action did not help the narcissist’s agenda, he lashed out at me telling me I had made a deal with the devil. A strong statement designed to break me down and convince me to take a different course of action—specifically one that would align with HIS. Were there consequences for staying steadfast in my position? Of course.

Projecting

Projections of criminal activity or whatever the narcissists themselves are guilty of, are often hurled at the innocent party. Look, there is no one who is more judgmental than the sinner himself.

Narcissists often accuse others of the infractions they are currently dealing themselves. For example, in the phone call, Trump tells the secretary of state that what he is doing is illegal and that his election results are illegal. It is ‘criminal’ , T says, that Raffensperger is presenting false results. Yet the results are checked and re-checked by FBI and security specialists and reported to the president. But because these ‘facts’ do not coordinate with his agenda and furthermore, indicate a loss, then he deems them criminal and illegal.

Not to mention that while T accuses the secretary of state of illegal activities, he is asking him to do something criminal for himself. A typical bully move.

T even says in reference to the voter results, “It doesn’t pass the smell test.”

It’s laughable that all the things a narcissist says often reflect their own bad actions. She, they, or it are “totally corrupt.” Are they subconsciously referring to themselves?

With those words obviously foremost on his mind, it’s likely T was projecting onto secretary of state, his own fears of what is to come for him when his presidency ends.

The alleged criminal was calling the target a criminal. You see how that works?

veiled threats

If you don’t do this than I’ll do that. If you don’t do whatever the narcissist is requesting, then there will be negative consequences for you. Trump explains to the secretary of state that he will lose the vote if he doesn’t ‘work this out before Tuesday.

For many women who have initiated a divorce, hearing the words “I will make your life miserable”, is akin to the president warning the Secretary of state that if he doesn’t ‘find’ the (imaginary) votes, he will lose the election, because everyone in Georgia hates him.

Again, if you don’t do this then I will certainly make sure that happens. Case dependent, you can bet the that, is something harmful to the narcissist’s (perceived) adversary.

Typically the narcissist is intelligent enough to veil their threats. They rarely put anything of that nature in writing. Your word is weaker than any written statement and they know this. It wouldn’t be far fetched to say that a narcissist’s cunning goes well beyond the average person. It’s likely they have had legal entanglements long before they have drawn you into one. Your legal savvy is not a match for the narc.

That said, it’s important to note that almost always, a veiled threat will not come to pass and one should never be coerced by any narcissist threats. The caveat here is if it is on your life. Then reports to police should be made and necessary precautions. While a narcissist is often cowardly, they are not above hiring out for dirty jobs. They don’t like to get their own hands dirty. That’s what flying monkey are for.

In summary

It’s important to understand that a narcissist is unable to concede or lose. Taking Trump’s inability to accept the recent vote and his loss to Biden, sets up a perfect case study. Now that we see the reactionary pattern in someone who is facing loss, big or small, we can predict the fall out and mitigate those.

Refusal to accept facts, self aggrandizement, projecting, veiled threats and personal attacks can be expected. It’s sort of a blown up temper-tantrum. If you are on the receiving end, know that these are mostly manipulative tactics in an attempt to change an outcome.

Expecting the push back helps you to handle the pattern of behavior by either ignoring most of it, presenting facts again or defending yourself from those personal attacks.

Understand that the narcissists inability to accept loss is simply a childish reaction that will soon crash and burn like a two-year-old who needs a nap before they get their candy.

On that note, I wrote this on Monday and two days later, Washington’s Capitol was in chaos resulting from the lingering power of this narcissistic, egomaniac president. Rest assured that the chaos will diminish once he is out of office and without the power to manipulate masses of people.

Thanks for reading and if you found this helpful do share it and any thoughts you have by hitting the comments.

Narcissists Unable to Concede to Loss (5 Behaviors to Expect)