July and I have a complicated relationship. I’m not sure when that happened exactly. I almost want to say that my adult self is paying penance for carefree Julys of my childhood. But that wouldn’t be accurate either. Not entirely.
Maybe I took July for granted for so long that it decided to show me who was boss. I’m on edge during the seventh month of every year now that I’m adulting in the real sense of the word. Of course I’ve been adulting for quite a few decades now.
Miscarriage (2001)
Finding out the baby had no heartbeat during a routine ultrasound, was a moment I’m unable to erase.
Friend’s suicide (2005)
I wrote an essay in memory of this childhood friend, in The Wine Diaries: Musings on Divorce Paired With Wine. And, yes, I paired a lovely, fresh bubbly wine with my friend K. She was born and died in July. We had many colorful and lively summers growing up together.
Moving (2009)
No an easy move. Post divorce, I relocated and began a long distance relationship with my teenage children. I wrote about that in my first book.
Divorce appeal (2009)
Spending hours on the phone looking for help but not able to spend more money on lawyers was stressful. Then I had to write my response, serve it, file it (before deadline) at the court house and then pack, clean and be out of my house the very next day.
Fire (2012)
I learned so much that summer about people’s priorities. I learned about what it feels like to be out of home, to search for a new one under pressure.
Failed mediation with my father (2016)
Father’s death (2018)
Siblings Suing me (2020)
Just in after I wrote this post. Received notice of a lawsuit against me personally over family property. Debra Knight and James Thomson on behalf of my father’s estate and also, my mother Pat Thomson. Aw, it’s a shame.
There’s more but I won’t dwell on ‘events’. I think that’s enough listed right there to give you the idea. No need to depress you.
Today, here I am sitting tight on the edge of my seat, waiting for it. And there it is. It wasn’t under the bed where the monster usually hides.
The lesson isn’t just when things couldn’t get worse…but the lesson is…there’s always a chance things will get worse. That’s the challenge of life.
July, 2020 poses her own set of challenges with the pandemic in full swing and not going away anytime soon. Can we pass this test? Do we go out and socialize, get back to what would be a normal summer? No. We don’t and to top that little reality check off, we wear masks.
We wear masks. I repeat.
As I write this, we’re now half way through this mean month. Fingers crossed no serious set backs occur. Focus on the positive, remain grateful are my mantras for July.
Incidentally, this is also known as Confirmation bias. Believing you have a lucky shirt and good things will happen when you wear it is the same as believing you have an unlucky month.
It’s like me focusing on the bad things that have happened in July instead of the good things. Although there are some good things that have happened in July, those don’t come close to having the emotional impact that the other events did.
So, yeah, I’m sticking with my confirmation bias and bracing for anything until August 1st. Besides, it’s not like I created this July problem. In fact, it didn’t even occur to me until two years ago that July isn’t my friend.
Am I exaggerating my bias as I write this? Probably, but I don’t get up every morning in July and wonder what’s going to happen. I’m not living in fear by any means. I’m simply aware of the increased propensity for the unexpected to occur during the month of July.
I sound like the narrator on a Twilight Zone episode. Listen carefully and you’ll hear me as a man in an ominous tone as you read:
“He’s simply aware of the increased propensity for the ‘unexpected’ to occur during the month of July…” insert music.
In any case, I have accepted the fact that July and I have a complicated relationship. July is boss. She might be all dressed up and playing her tune but she doesn’t fool me.
I’m curious, do you have a pattern of negative events? Do you and July get along well?
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Jane Thrive
August 14, 2020 at 11:42 amOh Lisa…so much loss…so much tragedy…challenges…and suffering. I’m so sorry July is such a sh8++y month for you. I’m not sure if this is helpful, but I would feel exactly the same if all of that happened to me too…we carry our traumas and pain and sometimes it’s just hard. It’s just what it is. And sometimes, the best we can do, is lift our pain and recognize it, and say I see you. I see your pain. Love and hugs and i hope you made it through July okay this year.
(p.s. siblings :/ )
All the love to you, Lisa!!
lisa
August 14, 2020 at 6:37 pmThis is good: “And sometimes, the best we can do, is lift our pain and recognize it, and say I see you. I see your pain.” YES and acknowledging it and moving on for what’s in the past cannot be changed. Then there’s the fuckity-fuck of this July with Covid and then the siblings. They chose the right month at least. Love and hugs to you, it’s so nice to hear from you. And it’s August now so that’s a good thing. I love August through to October. All good. I hope you’ve had a nice summer so far, Jane. I will pop over to your blog and see what you’ve been up to.
Marcia @ Menopausal Mom
August 7, 2020 at 12:58 pmWow—that’s a lot of bad JuJu for the month of July. I’m sorry to hear about all the family strife.
lisa
August 7, 2020 at 5:47 pmUgh, I know it. Not sure why this is the case and I don’t want to be superstitious but how can I not? I was happy to see the calendar turn over to August. I’m quite fond of August! Thanks, Marcia 🙂
Jeff
July 25, 2020 at 10:43 amI don’t have a bad relationship with July, except for the heat and humidity. October is my bad month, in addition to stock market troubles, that’s when I lost a friend to suicide, began a separation that led to a divorce, but otherwise it is one of the most beautiful months of the year and I love the fall colors. ,
lisa
July 25, 2020 at 12:43 pm🙂 So sorry about your friend, Jeff. And your separation, those are the things that really mark our memories of when these things happened. I agree it is one of the most beautiful months of the year. I love the fall. Plus, both my kids were born in October <3
Tamara
July 16, 2020 at 11:49 amIt’s a mix of good and bad for me. My birthday, Scarlet’s birthday, when I met Cassidy, etc. And then my father and grandfather both passed in July. Weird weird month.
lisa
July 16, 2020 at 4:00 pmThe good ones balance things out maybe but still those are difficult anniversaries. We’re in this weird month together, Tamara. 15 more days 😛
ShootingStarsMag
July 16, 2020 at 8:54 amIf I dealt with all the things you did and all during months of July, then yea, I would not be a fan of July. I have a friend that hates September. I don’t know that I have a set month that really sucks or bad things seem to happen around, which I guess is a plus? lol I just get the crap things spread across the calendar! 😉
-Lauren
lisa
July 16, 2020 at 10:57 amRight? Thank you, Lauren. I hate be suspicious but…
I wonder if your friend has too many bad memories of that month. Glad you don’t have a bad month and LOL you “get the crap things spread across the calendar!” Yeah, there’s always going to be those surprises we don’t like.
Marie Kléber
July 16, 2020 at 1:46 amI bet it’s a complicated month Lisa. So many hard things and events are playing in your mind.
We can’t always let go, we can’t always see the bright side, when the memories are so strong and tough
It’s strange cause on saturday I was not feeling well, many emotions came back to me, I couldn’t fully enjoy the moment and I started thinking about dates. 9 years ago on the 11th of July I was getting married and even though it’s behind me it’s still there somewhere!
Sending you love for the last days to go. You’re halfway there. 💖
lisa
July 16, 2020 at 10:54 amThanks Marie. Interesting about your feeling uneasy then realizing it’s an anniversary of sorts. 😛 I think it’s almost subconscious. It’s all in the past…we can remind each other. Acknowledging the event then moving on is okay, too.
Balroop Singh
July 15, 2020 at 9:51 amI am sorry July reminds you of so many misfortunes Lisa. I am sure you would like to wipe out this month from the calendar! I am happy you can write about it to throw it out.
July has never been a pleasant month and it always seemed too longer than the rest. One – because it brought humidity combined with excessive heat and two – the schools reopened after Summer Vacation and we always cribbed… which wise fellow thought that summer is over to reopen the schools. We had to sweat it out in the classrooms, cursing that imaginary fellow, waiting for August!
Now all months seem pleasant! 🙂
lisa
July 15, 2020 at 10:00 amThank you, Balroop. I do find myself dreading the month now…I should try to be more positive 😛 It is a long month! I often feel the long days are a bit tiring. Ha.
Yes, I can just imagine what a terrible time to reopen school for the children. You should’ve been swimming at the lake not stuck in a classroom? Who was the dummy that decided summer was over?
“now all months seem pleasant!” LOVE it. I’m getting there.
Darlene Foster
July 15, 2020 at 9:29 amThose are good enough reasons not to trust July. I am leary of the number 19. My brother was 19 when he died and a few others have left at 19 too. When someone I care about turns 19, I hold my breath until they turn 20. Silly, I know. xo
lisa
July 15, 2020 at 9:57 amRight? Oh, my gosh that is tragic, Darlene. I don’t blame you for holding your breath when your loved ones turn 19. Yikes. It’s hard to ignore these coincidences. It’s not silly.