During the initial stages of separation and divorce, we find that we have lost our normal.  This is unsettling for us humans since we thrive on routine.  Our simple routine of daily tasks and some of our traditions are thrown out.  It’s called change or transition and it’s not an easy part of the process.  How can we adapt?  Take the point of view that you are finding a new normal for yourself.  Maybe it’s only temporary, or maybe you are in fact, starting over with a new home, new neighborhood, new school, new city.

Recently, I have been put out of my home since there was a serious fire in our apartment building.  The aftermath of the fire incident has been a challenge to say the least.  Being told you cannot return to your home,  is not a nice feeling see The Wine Diaries, Fire!, to find out more.  Although I realize I’m very fortunate, I feel as though I’m floating around with a bunch of missing pieces.   All of my belongings including clothing, paper work and the little things that bring us comfort (i.e. my own pillow!) I am living without.

This unexpected change (crisis) takes away what you know, your familiar objects and routine.  I would even go so far as to say it takes away your sense of self.    Also, setting up a temporary home base and not knowing where your future home will be is a real reminder of what we’ve lost, if only temporarily.  It got me thinking when was the last time I felt so unsettled?  It was definitely the initial stage of my divorce.  Moving into a new home, trying to find a new normal in a new neighborhood was a task that had to be taken one day at a time.

My biggest concern at that time was not necessarily my own comfort but my children’s.

I remember the priority being to ensure they had equal comfort as to what they had in the marital home.  In conclusion then, it is change and the unknown future that is scary and these are definitely a part of divorce or in the case of fire, or some other unforeseen circumstance.  Are you just initiating your divorce?  Are you recently separated?  How do we adapt during this transition?  Here are a few of my suggestions and some I’m trying to utilize right now;

1. Take one day at a time instead of worrying about 6 months from now

2 Ask yourself, what can I to do today to get one step closer to normal?

3. Know that wherever you are it may be temporary

4. know that things will get better in time and things always work out in the end no matter how dim they seem to be

5. Making new traditions and finding new places, people for comfort will create a new normal

6. OR just open a bottle of wine and hope for the best…

In the meantime, until you make your new normal take this as your personal motto, for strength;