“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
LOSS-we all experience it, especially during divorce. The fact is we lose stuff everyday; a thought, our keys, our phone, a memory, our coins, a contest, a challenge, a call and the biggest one of all—TIME.
In tackling this subject I really wanted to express the idea that loss is something we all deal with whether they’re losses that leave a crevice in our hearts or small ones, that niggle on the left side of our brain.
Loss is just an unfortunate part of life…Look on any bulletin board and you’ll see that some things are irreplaceable…
But if some losses leave a void we can fill, than maybe it’s a mixed blessing. Also, the gains we make after loss can be that much sweeter.
Divorce is loss. We’re losing a spouse, a home, security, extended family, traditions, money….BUT it’s not all doom and gloom. If you have left it behind did you actually lose it? Yes, but maybe you could consider it a subtraction rather than a loss. Take me for example, what did I lose in my divorce?
-my dream home
-money
-security
-friends & acquaintances
-a subzero refrigerator
-double wall ovens
-a half acre of land
-my fear
So, yes there were some losses that would not be replaced…and I subtracted things I chose to leave behind.
-my dignity
-my mind (I found it)
-my shirt on my back
-the love of and for my children
-memories
-my belief in love
-faith in myself
-TIME
-a new career
-new friends
-life experience
– work experience
-new goals
-new purpose
-new traditions
-my mind
-confidence
-time
-love
So, divorce is definitely about loss but we lose things everyday. Loss is part of life. To fear it, is to fear life itself.
While the clock ticks we lose time. While each day passes we risk losing people, places and things we treasure. There are no guarantees. There is no such thing as a ‘loss-proof’ life. We just have to take chances and hope to fill the spaces of our loss with something just as good or even better.
Divorce is a subtraction but we can make the addition of new people, hobbies, work and a whole new focus.
What did you lose in your divorce? What did you gain?
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barbour dam
December 9, 2013 at 7:16 pmHi, just wanted to mention, I liked this blog post. It was inspiring.
Keep on posting!
Beverly Diehl
December 3, 2013 at 7:07 amAll those things you lost? Almost all THINGS – things that could’ve been lost via fire, flood, or natural disaster, things than can be replaced.
And it’s okay to mourn things; I’m still pissed that some of my mother’s belongings went to my stepmother when she and my father divorced. But look how much more you’ve gained, and a big sense of your own strength and resilience.
lisa
December 3, 2013 at 7:24 amYes, most THINGS can be replaced, even if they’re not exactly the same. I’m sorry you didn’t get your mother’s things…it’s the sentimental value in shared memories. A friend of mine still remembers some of the things she left behind in the marital home and wishes she had taken. (I think it was artwork that had a special memory). We don’t forget. Thanks, Beverly!
Mike
December 2, 2013 at 9:29 pmIt’s unfortunate for all of the material things you lost, Lisa. But, I’m thrilled to see and hear of your wonderful self-awareness that you gained something 100 fold within yourself! Though my divorce was many lifetimes ago as I’ve shared before I didn’t lose any material things because I don’t accumulate nor want them. Other than having Phoenix at my side, a roof over my head a vehicle for transportation. I did lose a tremendous sum of money because I refused to fight and let a lawyer come out $10’s of thousands ahead due to paying him/her fees. I gained a wonderful life lesson. Great post, our friend! 🙂
lisa
December 2, 2013 at 9:38 pmI agree with you Mike, in realizing the material things really aren’t important. Phoenix is sweet. Kudos to you for not paying a lawyer $$$….ah, one of my favorite subjects (lawyers, pros and cons).
Harleena Singh
December 1, 2013 at 10:27 pmHi Lisa,
Good to be over at your blog too 🙂
Although I’ve not been divorced and pretty happy in my marriage, but I agree with you – it IS a huge loss. For that matter, we tend to lose so much when our relationship ends with the one we love. For that matter, anything we lose that’s dear to us is a major loss to us also I would say, isn’t it? I guess learning to cope with loss is part of life too.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
lisa
December 2, 2013 at 8:07 amHi Harleena, thanks for your input on the subject. Definitely, coping with loss is part of life.
Natalie - The Cat Lady Sings
November 30, 2013 at 7:21 amIt’s important to take inventory like this. I think we nearly always find more for which to be grateful than not.
lisa
November 30, 2013 at 9:49 amAbsolutely, Natalie! Being grateful in spite of loss is a real skill. Thanks for your input.
My Inner Chick
November 28, 2013 at 11:28 amFabulous, hopeful, honest, insightful post.
I LOVE the quote above and shall use it often.
Happy Thanksgiving & Much love coming your way. xx
lisa
November 28, 2013 at 12:11 pmThank you, Kim! I love that quote as well. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Hugs!