Madonna-image source gilsproducitonblogspot
If you’re going to go for it you might as well do it in style. Yup, divorce style. I’m not talking about clothing either. This isn’t a fashion blog. Sometimes I wish it was. Then I could talk about shoes, hand bags, make up, cashmere vs. silk (which I have the odd time). Instead, I talk about lawyers, divorce law, parental alienation, bullies, child support, recovery and other kind of non fashion topics…
Today, so many women are thinking of leaving or ending their marriages. They are at the visualizing phase of divorce and that is to say they have done nothing to start it but they are ‘picturing’ their new life. This is a powerful part of the divorce process and the part that we don’t acknowledge or see. So, if you’re at this point, it’s the right time to embrace a little divorce style. How do we do that?
Vogue it.
Here’s the inspo. My favorite part is about 3 mins in…
We divorce with attitude. No one walks all over us. We keep our head cool and held high. We enjoy a little self pity now and then but are careful not to wallow in it. We stop being too nice and start telling the truth a little more often. Deep down, we realize that those people who can’t handle our truth were never truly our friends. We learn to ask for help and to accept the help that is offered. We learn to give and share because we realize, we may need the same and we can’t do it all alone. We learn that we don’t need as much stuff as we thought. We learn we can get by on less. We also learn that time with our children is precious and like the sand draining in the hourglass. We make changes accordingly.
If we divorce without style, which is what I did at first, we don’t learn fast enough. We think things won’t change that much and what does change we can handle alone. Without style, we don’t decipher our true champions from our foes. We let lawyers dictate. We let our exes walk all over us. Without style we make decisions from fear instead of from confidence and love.
Madonna was right. We need to Vogue like ‘ladies with attitude’ and ‘fellas that are in the mood’…okay, the fellas we don’t need but the ladies we can look to and gather up our attitude inspiration; Greta Garbo, Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis, Marilyn Monroe, Katherine Hepburn—they had style, they had grace and so can you even through divorce.
Strike a pose. There’s nothing to it. Stay strong. If all else fails a night out on the dance floor with girlfriends…
5 Ways to Divorce with Style;
By the way, last week I was called a ‘”self deprecating whore” in the comments section of a site I write for. I asked my Beau what was wrong with being self deprecating? Then we had a good laugh. Sometimes with an attitude you get a little push back…
Now I realize divorce isn’t a music video but still, we can learn from Madonna about striking a pose, staying confident and using music and dance to re-set our attitude. VOGUE it, Escapees!
What would you add to the list?
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Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
November 25, 2015 at 8:15 pmI love all five of your points. I especially think it’s very important to not be afraid to ask for help.
lisa
November 26, 2015 at 10:47 amThank you, Marcia. I agree and that was one of the hardest things for me to learn.
Stella Chiu
November 23, 2015 at 3:03 pmHi, Lisa
That is inspirational post.
At the beginning of divorce, one should allow himself or herself to grief and period to re-adjust before picking himself /herself up with the vogue altitude.
In the process of vogue altitude, we also need to train our minds to shift from holding on the past or ex- to the people and event at current moment.
Thanks for this nice post.
-Stella Chiu
lisa
November 24, 2015 at 10:38 pmThank you, Stella. I agree there is a time for grieving. Great point.
Jeri
November 19, 2015 at 1:55 pmThe entire paragraph right below the video is excellent and speaks to so much of how I’ve come to feel over the past year.
lisa
November 20, 2015 at 10:32 amHi Jeri, I’m so glad you can relate to this! It does get easier 🙂
Liv
November 19, 2015 at 10:24 amYou called it Lisa. We should all be self-deprecating whores. 😉
lisa
November 20, 2015 at 10:31 amHa! Well, someone else said it (a man) but hahaha 😉
Tamara
November 18, 2015 at 4:57 pmI actually love being self-deprecating! Whatever to that commenter. Jealous, I’m sure.
I love this post. I’m not on the brink of divorce, I hope, but I’ve seen some friends go through it and it looks like… really, really hard.
It’s time to channel some Madonna.
lisa
November 20, 2015 at 10:26 amHey Tamara, I agree that self deprecating is not a sin, LOL. Divorce is hard on so many levels but yes to using whatever we can to help us—be it music, novels, poetry, films—to feel better and amp up the attitude.
sherill
November 18, 2015 at 4:05 pmGreat attitude, love it. It is not easy to go through all the hassles of divorce but divorce with style gives us more confidence and it is really good. Thanks for sharing.
lisa
November 20, 2015 at 10:25 amThank you, Sherill. It isn’t easy, that’s for sure but attitude helps 🙂
Jodi
November 18, 2015 at 3:23 amLisa!
You are awesome. Attitude means everything. Such a key to survival!
xoxo
lisa
November 18, 2015 at 8:28 amHey Jodi, absolutely true…even in the darkest moments trying to visualize a happy future makes a big difference. xoxo
Vishnu
November 17, 2015 at 9:05 pmHey Lisa – great reminder and inspiration for anyone who’s thinking about a divorce. It’s pretty hard to reframe the divorce as a positive experience and do it with style when you’re going through it. I wish I was able to handle it that way 🙂 Instead of divorcing with attitude, I divorced with sentimentality, sadness, pain and crushed dreams. I think instead of picturing my new life, I was continuing to replay my old one. The comfort of the past seemed more familiar than the hope of the future. Today, if I was divorcing with style, I’d learn to let go of the focus on my ex and start focusing on my life and my future, not what we had shared in the past. I’d also try to stay in the present moment more and enjoy what’s right in front of me today.
lisa
November 18, 2015 at 8:27 amReading your words Vishnu, I related so much. Crushed dreams? Yes. Sentimentality? yes. Lots of anger though, too. It’s easy for me to coach a VOGUE attitude now that I’m through it. Focusing on the future and picturing the life you want is very important at all stages of the divorce.
“I’d also try to stay in the present moment more and enjoy what’s right in front of me today.” —excellent advice, Vishnu!!
Balroop Singh
November 17, 2015 at 8:45 pmBravo Lisa! You are so brave…it is good to have a hearty laugh over what was never yours. Living in the world of illusion can never make us happy. I like your attitude! I love your style! You seem to have conquered all those emotions that keep creeping up at such terrible times.
Stay happy. Stay blessed. Love and hugs from a dear friend who admires your style.
lisa
November 18, 2015 at 8:24 amThank you, Balroop for your kind words. I’ve learned to laugh at what I can’t change…but it took time, for sure. Love and hugs back to you, my friend!
Chrys Fey
November 17, 2015 at 3:46 pmI think I forgot to tell you…my sister is getting a divorce from her husband. I actually paid for her to file because she didn’t have the money. Tomorrow she’ll be mailing the papers to the sheriff where her husband is now and it’ll be served on him. I’m so proud of her. As you probably remember I was very worried about her. And never thought she’d go through with it.
lisa
November 17, 2015 at 4:38 pmWow, Chrys! That was good of you to help her out. Are they separated right now? I remember you were worried about her going back to him, now that I think of it. They were texting. Well, that’s a big step she’s taken and sounds like for the best!
My Inner Chick
November 17, 2015 at 3:37 pm***Strike a pose. There’s nothing to it. Stay strong. If all else fails a night out on the dance floor with girlfriends…**
SUPERB. xxxx
lisa
November 17, 2015 at 4:36 pmI forgot about how fun this song is. I’ve discovered new meaning for it. Thanks, Kim!!
Jane Thrive
November 17, 2015 at 11:16 amLove this, Lisa!! And I loved “Vogue” 🙂 I agree, divorce with style! It’s about celebrating and leaning into your integrity, after all the world is falling apart in divorce, but your integrity is always yours. Sure we are human and can get hurt and aren’t always brave and can’t always say the exact right thing at the exact right time. But we sure can stick up for ourselves when needed and learn how to be kinder to ourselves. Kindness doesn’t mean weakness! It means the ability to find a way out of the darkness, with as much grace and integrity we can muster. <3 <3 <3 So glad this post is out there in the world today 🙂
lisa
November 17, 2015 at 3:14 pmExactly, Jane! You’ve reiterated this perfectly. We are imperfect but we can win with kindness and strength…VOGUE it. 🙂