From the archives…dealing with anger never goes out of style.

Did you remember to take your happy pill today?  Last week?  Last month, last year?  OOps.  It’s hard to feel happy in the middle of an emotionally and financially taxing divorce.  Forgiveness, love, joy and fun are often substituted with grudge, hate, worry and anger.  So how do we deal with these negative emotions? Since we can’t take a happy pill and get over it, we have to look to other methods to adapt.  How about embracing it?  Owning it? 

Get mad.  Deal, then heal.  No happy pills required.  Besides, I don’t know about you, but I could have used some happy pills while I was married.

The problem is as women especially, we’ve been raised to be ‘nice’.  WE are taught that anger is ugly and unbecoming on us.  Anger belongs to the male gender.  Be a nice girl and do what you’re told.  Even in this modern age, we have recently been raised to abide by this nearly silent rule.  We must break that starting now.   Tell people you’re angry and why.  I remember being out for lunch with my mother and sisters and one of them said “Oh. You’re mad.”  As if they were surprised.  I replied, “Yes, I am.  I’m angry and I have every right to be.”  I know it sounds obnoxious to tell people you’re angry and I don’t mean you should go around telling strangers and whoever will listen.  That would guarantee you to lose friends.  On the other hand, don’t hold it in all the time because harbored anger will ensure physical illness.  Colds, flu, aches, stroke, heart attack in extreme cases are all caused by stress.  Stress is increased with unaddressed anger.  And that is something to think about next time you pretend nothing is bothering you.

What do I do with all this anger? you might ask.  HERE ARE 5 THINGS TO DO NOW;

1) WRITE– tell it like it is in a letter or journal.  No one is going to ever read it (keep it locked up, I made the mistake of leaving mine in an obvious place and a ‘friend’ not only read it but corrected my grammar and that’s how I knew she was in my personal business.  That’s a subject for another blog though) so have at ‘er.  Let it rip.

2) BOX–  hang a punching bag in your home, don some gloves and go at it when the mood strikes.  It’s exhausting, which is the point

3) SMASH STUFF– yup. Raw eggs, dishes, that statue you never liked, that gift from so and so

4) ADOPT A THEME SONG– i.e. Part of Me by Katy Perry, I’m still a Rock Star, by Pink, Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benetar, It’s My Life by Gwen Stefani, Under Pressure by Queen

5) EXERCISE– any kind is great to let out anger.  Running, hiking, or try something new mock rock climbing, kayaking.  Learning something new will give you the challenge and the ego boost when you succeed

Give these a try and see what a difference it will make on your health and your outlook.  You won’t need that happy pill.  Let the anger out in a healthy and acceptable way when you need to.  Timing is everything, try not to let it stew.  Happy anger to you!  P.S. Let’s make sure we teach our daughters it’s okay to be angry.  It’s a normal, human emotion.

How do you deal with anger?  Is there one sure fire way to let your out?  Share your solution with us.

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