Sometimes I’ll get a question and my answer makes me feel a little like Ann Landers. I know I flatter myself when I say that but read this q & a and you’ll know what I mean.
Question:
How would I find out if my boyfriend and his soon to be ex wife followed through with their Court date or if they cancelled the whole process of the divorce? My boyfriend tells me the court got pushed back but no specific date given yet; I have reasons to believe they may have cancelled the whole process of the divorce. He wouldn’t be one to admit it to me, is there a way to find this out? I don’t want to continue to be in a relationship with him if there’s not going to be a divorce.
image source vi.sualize.us
Answer:
It is common for court dates to be changed/delayed. The only way to find out would be to call the court clerk’s office and inquire on the date but you would need the case #. I don’t know how you would get the file/case number without doing some snooping.
I don’t blame you for being concerned but you would be better to talk to your boyfriend about it. Calling in to inquire appears that you’re sticking your nose in, so to speak even if your intentions are justified.
Sounds like trust needs to be reinforced in this relationship. If you don’t trust what he says now, will you be able to trust him later on in the relationship? Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
Sincerely,
Lisa
See what I did? I threw a moral answer in with the practical…I’m not the relationship expert but it seems obvious trust is a big thing holding a relationship together. Would you add anything else to this answer?
First Book Giveaway Draw:
Michelle Rogers, you’ve won Children in Changing Families; Life After Parental Separation
Kathleen Carbert, you’ve won When Life Changes or You Wish it Would
Please contact me to confirm your mailing address by September 30th and thanks for contributing comments here and subscribing to my blog.
Comments are closed.
Design by ThemeShift.
Chrys Fey
September 30, 2014 at 9:40 amGreat answer, Lisa! I don’t want to get divorced (I’m not even married!), but if I ever do I know who to turn to for advice. 🙂
lisa
September 30, 2014 at 10:03 amThanks, Chrys! That’s a great way to avoid divorce, not to marry to begin with… 🙂 Smart girl!!
My Inner Chick
September 29, 2014 at 4:49 amGreat answer.
Dear Abby would have said the same thing, Lisa. xxx
lisa
September 29, 2014 at 7:10 amAw, thanks Kim! Xo
Harleena Singh
September 26, 2014 at 11:42 pmHi Lisa,
Just as everyone mentioned, trust once lost, can never really be regained. She has to confront and ask him about it if she can’t manage to get to the details in court, if nothing else works. He might be having second thoughts too, and your answer is apt – if she doesn’t trust him when they haven’t yet got into a relationship, how would she later? She needs to rethink.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend 🙂
lisa
September 27, 2014 at 11:44 amAbsolutely true! Thanks for stopping over, Harleena 🙂
Mi Muba
September 25, 2014 at 1:59 pmHi Lisa
I do agree trust matters a lot. A relationship without it, is just like a delicious food without a salt.
What is the use of company of a person to whom you need to be careful while every type of deal.
Thanks a lot for this post on a sensitive issue.
lisa
September 25, 2014 at 2:27 pmHi Mi Muba, I love your comparison to a delicious meal without salt. 🙂 it’s unanimous that trust is key. Thanks for commenting!
Joy Christi
September 25, 2014 at 8:34 amGreat answer! And so much better than what I would have spat out, something class like “Gurl, you can do better. Dump that zero and get you a hero” and I’d have done that *SNAPS in a Z-formation* thing that went out 30 years ago. Another reason why I don’t give people advice…
lisa
September 25, 2014 at 8:41 amI love it, Joy! I may have to send you some of my questions…your answers will give them a little jolt. 🙂
Balroop Singh
September 24, 2014 at 6:36 pmHi Lisa,
I agree with your prudent and frank answer. A relationship that is devoid of trust remains rocky. A real relationship doesn’t even need the assurance, it knows where it stands, by intuition. I think in such a shaky relationship, she needs more time to be sure of herself and if she is doubtful about the intentions of her boyfriend, she needs to wait and understand him better.
lisa
September 24, 2014 at 7:05 pmGreat advice, Balroop. More time might be needed and space given for everyone. A little breathing room is always a good thing. Thanks for your input 🙂
Tamara
September 24, 2014 at 1:06 pmI think you did well! I don’t know a whole lot about court dates, but I know they change a lot.
I would probably struggle with trust in this particular case, though.
lisa
September 24, 2014 at 4:19 pmHi Tamara, I wonder if there’s other reasons why she’s having trouble taking him at his word. I’m not sure why someone would lie unless he’s planning to get back together with the ex…seems unlikely. TKS for commenting!
jane thrive
September 24, 2014 at 12:21 pmI agree that trust is a real issue, but if it’s to the point she can’t trust him and needs to verify with ‘her own eyes’ so to speak, most courts have an open records policy, where people can search court records online (for free) by party name and/or case number. In that respect, she could verify the information he is giving her.
But–I definitely think that having to “verify” the information that he is giving her is a big red flag. 🙁 i hope this person finds what she needs and understands that she is worthy of having an honest, trusting relationship. <3
lisa
September 24, 2014 at 4:22 pmHi Jane, oh that’s interesting. I thought the case had to be concluded to be online. But if the case is in progress it’s harder to verify it’s status unless you’re the lawyer or the individual involved. I know there are confidentiality considerations with some family law cases, esp. custody type situations. Those files are kept closed. Thanks for sharing your suggestions 🙂
jane thrive
September 29, 2014 at 11:04 amHi Lisa,
Yes, you are right! Confidential documents themselves won’t be listed, but any time there’s an appearance, or something filed (response or motion, etc), most courts will update their electronic file, and if they make the docket available to the public, you can track the activity. Some will even let you read the court minutes of the hearings, but again, nothing confidential. Sorry I’m a research geek. LOL. It does depend on jurisdiction, i think, some states offer more information than others, but all would keep confidential records confidential. i.e. custody eval would be confidential, but that there was a hearing on custody eval–that hearing would be listed. hope this is making sense and doesn’t sound like gobbly-goop! 🙂
lisa
September 29, 2014 at 11:50 amThanks for the info. Jane! That’s great to know. That’s fantastic that you’re a research geek and I appreciate your sharing that here!
Jayme Rayne
September 24, 2014 at 5:50 amAbsolutely agree on the trust issue. I know it’s hard to believe him when he’s still married with intent on divorcing but TRUST is a definitely must in any relationship. Good luck!
JR xoxo
lisa
September 24, 2014 at 9:52 amHi Jayme, absolutely agree! Thanks for stopping over.