My daughter got engaged on Christmas Eve and I was *honored* to be the first to know…that said, she isn’t always communicating with me on the wedding details. During this process, I’ve had to accept the fact that we are not a traditional family therefore, I’m not likely to be a traditional mother of the bride. It’s just a fact that comes along with divorce.
image source; Unsplash by Becca Tapert
In addition, she has a step-mom and father that are very involved and live closer to her and her husband to be. This makes for closer communication and easier for her to consult them more often. Also, her fiance’s folks live close as well and are equally supportive and enthusiastic about the upcoming nuptials.
I’m delighted to know my daughter is marrying into a warm and welcoming, functional family 🙂 And intact!
I’m bringing this whole thing to the blog because the experience has been one of mixed emotions. For one, her father and I have been divorced for over ten years and with our history of difficulties, I wasn’t sure how this would all play out. Still not 100% sure as one cannot predict the future.
This isn’t about me or her father. This is about HER and her future husband but mainly her, as far as I’m concerned. My advice to her has mainly been “If that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do.”
I’m encouraging her to always be sure her decisions are based on her wishes, desires, wants, and budget for her wedding and not what other people tell her to do. It’s the key to happiness after all, listening to your own heart and ensuring you’re not doing things to please other people. This couldn’t be truer than on your wedding day.
image source; Unsplash by Joel Overbeck
Last Sunday her step-mom hosted her bridal shower. Of course, normally this is something I would have hosted had I lived in the same city as my daughter but that isn’t the case. I initially felt a little sad that I wasn’t able to host this rite of passage for my daughter. I reminded myself again, this is not a traditional family moment but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own place in my daughter’s important day.
In spite of my personal pep-talks, I was a little nervous about going to my ex’s home.
It wasn’t hard at all being at my ex’s house which is certainly designed to entertain. And on top of that, my daughter’s step mom made me feel fully welcomed. I could see she genuinely enjoys entertaining and was delighted to put on the event for our girl. Also, her three daughters were equally welcoming and warm. Each of them contributing something to the shower and helping out. Two of them love to bake and actually made the cake from scratch which was as pretty as it was delicious.
What made me especially happy was watching my daughter all afternoon enjoying herself with her friends and the women in her life that matter to her—all under one roof.
The shower has been the icebreaker we needed to relax and enjoy the upcoming nuptials without worrying about what we’ll talk about or how everyone will interact. We’ll be just fine and it will be all about the bride and groom as it should be.
I drafted this post a while back. Now the wedding is only days away!
I’ll be away for a short time and off social media for the duration. I may post one or two pics of the bride on Instagram. If you’re not following me yet, please do, here!
Have you been mother of the bride after divorce? Do share in the comments!
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Charlotte
November 14, 2018 at 11:15 amI understand and would feel a little sad too if I weren’t hosting but you have such a mature attitude about the whole thing and I love that your love for your daughter and comes before everything else. I’m sure she recognizes that and feels so incredibly blessed (hate that word sometimes but it fits!) that she has so many wonderfully supportive women in her life who look after her and want her happiness above all. It sounds as though you handled everything so beautifully, Lisa, and you should feel so proud of yourself! I’m proud OF YOU!
lisa
November 15, 2018 at 7:40 pmThanks, Charlotte! I sure hope so. And yes, she does have lots of good women in her life. Aw, she’s a lucky girl 🙂
Jane Thrive
October 4, 2018 at 3:19 pmLove, love, and more love, lisa! <3 <3 <3
I have a long way before this milestone…and am so inspired by your ability to put your daughter first. <3 <3 <3 so glad it went well! <3
lisa
October 9, 2018 at 4:20 pmThank you!! 😀 You’ll do it too, Jane. Just knowing your personality. It isn’t always easy but then it’s always right.
Kimberly @ Caffeinated Reviewer
September 16, 2018 at 2:24 pmIn our families the maid of honor hosts the bridal shower, so don’t feel bad. I am so glad it all turned out wonderfully. I wish your daughter and her future husband a wonderful life !
lisa
September 17, 2018 at 9:57 pmThank you, Kim! Yes, the Maid of Honor…where was she? LOL.
Christine Carter
September 9, 2018 at 8:02 amI absolutely love that the shower worked out so well. I can imagine the anticipation beforehand and I’m THRILLED you felt comfortable there and stepmom and sisters were kind and gracious. Most of all, I’m SO HAPPY for your daughter.
I’ve been MIA for a while, so the wedding may have already happened by now! I can’t wait to see pics and read an update about it all. I hope it was a WONDERFUL experience for all, especially your girl on one of the most important days of her life.
lisa
September 11, 2018 at 9:48 amYes, it was easier than I thought. Me, too Chris. I know it was great for her to have everyone together.
Yes, hope you’re well Chris! Back to school chaos and such has probably kept you busy 😛 I’ll try to share some pics here at the blog.
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
September 7, 2018 at 8:28 pmI’m so excited for you! Take lots of photos and share them on the blog when you get back. Tell your daughter I said Congratulations!
lisa
September 11, 2018 at 9:46 amThank you, Marcia! It was beautiful 😀 I will try to get some photos up here at the blog in the next few days.
Jeri
September 4, 2018 at 10:44 amHow exciting and such a lovely day! I saw the pics on Instagram 🙂
lisa
September 4, 2018 at 11:10 amYES, it was beautiful. Thank you, Jeri!
Marie Kléber
August 31, 2018 at 7:40 amI can imagine the mixed feelings Lisa. But as you said your girl being happy is what matters.
Have a lovely time away, enjoy every bits of this special time. And all the best for your daughter and her husband.
Love flowing accross the ocean…xoxo
lisa
September 4, 2018 at 11:10 amThank you so much, Marie! Your words and encouragement are always appreciated xx. It went very well, and was a great party. The food, flowers everything were perfection. They planned it all on their own, too.
Tamara
August 30, 2018 at 9:42 amCongrats, and enjoy!
My husband’s parents are divorced and it was slightly slightly awkward at first but soon the three women (my mom and both future MILs) were gathering together to gossip and make decorations.
It’s a bit different for my sister. Her in laws have some.. bad blood.
lisa
September 4, 2018 at 11:08 amThank you, Tamara! That sounds perfect. It’s easier to talk to the wife than the ex, sometimes 😛 Oooh, no room for that at weddings!
Balroop Singh
August 29, 2018 at 8:39 amYour words are tearing at my heart Lisa, they convey mixed feelings of joy, pride and sorrow. I am glad you could sail through this phase of life despite the doubts. Wishing your daughter a happy and wonderful life ahead. Marriage is a happy occasion, enjoy those moments and bless your daughter and son-in-law from my side too.
lisa
August 29, 2018 at 6:58 pmAw, thanks, Balroop. I feel mostly joy, especially now that the day is so close. Thank you for your well wishes! It really is a happy time!
Vishnu
August 28, 2018 at 7:20 pmHave a fun wedding day Lisa! Non-traditional families. Non-traditional lives we lead 🙂 Best wishes to you on your daughter’s wedding day!
lisa
August 29, 2018 at 9:15 amThank you, Vishnu! Yes, indeed. We are non-traditional and we make it work 😀
DGKaye
August 28, 2018 at 5:06 pmSo proud of you girl. That must have been an intimidating experience. Glad they welcomed you. And you rock for being able to deal with the whole shenanigans! I hope the wedding goes as smoothly and look forward to hearing about it after you return. Rock it girl. You’ve got this! <3
lisa
August 28, 2018 at 6:09 pmThanks, Deb 😀 It went far better than I anticipated. Sometimes it’s the lead up or thinking about something that’s worse than the doing. Of course, I wanted to be there for my girl. I think it’s going to be great and really fun! So excited. <3 <3
DGKaye
August 30, 2018 at 8:06 amAbsolutely! It’s the fear of the unknown and confrontation. But you’re past that part now. You’ve got it! <3
lisa
September 4, 2018 at 11:07 amSo true, Deb. It’s all over but the cryin’…haha. It was an amazing day. Thanks for your supportive words.
Ellen Shook
August 28, 2018 at 2:52 pmDon’t feel sad about not hosting a bridal shower. Actually, the etiquette books say it should never be hosted by the mother or sisters of the bride! It sounds like you really have the right perspective on everything, and I guess we who have been divorced all hope for the best when young couples take the formal step of getting married. I was the mother of the groom after an acrimonious divorce from “the sperm donor” but my son’s marriage only lasted four years. I promised I behaved myself at the wedding, too. 😄 Congratulations to your daughter and her fiancé — all the best of what life will bring.
lisa
August 28, 2018 at 5:05 pmHi Ellen, I feel better already. What else does that little book say? LOL. I recall my sister had my shower and I had the shower for my girlfriend when she got married. The moms just showed up and had fun. I’m sorry to hear your son’s marriage was short lived but at least he tried and you gave him the support he needed. You behaved yourself? 😛
Thank you, Ellen! I think they’ll be very happy. They make a lovely couple xx