When the news story broke the other day regarding Felicity Huffman’s and Lori Loughlin’s illegal purchase of their children’s elite education, I was intrigued but not shocked. It’s not surprising to learn (as we have since Trump has been in the Oval Office) the power of money. But is this story simply about the power of money or is it about bad parenting? I guess it’s both.
Oh, the places you’ll go. And what parents with bad judgment will do combined with power of their almighty dollar. Of course, the coaches and president’s of these elite universities are responsible for making it all possible.
Where does it all begin? At what point did Felicity give up on doing her child’s homework and finally hire it out? We know that many of these wealthy parents bought academics (who put their brains on the free market) to write entrance exams and SAT’s for their child, for example. I would bet though, that Huffman was an exemplary ‘helicopter’ parent, an affectionate term coined in the late 90’s early 2000’s to describe over involved parents. Today, that term has been replaced with ‘snow plow’ parent.
I’m guessing these children who have been bought entrance into elite schools and universities at the expense of hard working and studious individuals, were born sometime in the mid to late 90’s. Mine were born in the early part of that decade. I unequivocally was not a helicopter parent. I was involved but I believed in ‘raising adults’. For example, it wasn’t beneath me to refuse my adolescent children a ride somewhere. I encouraged them to learn the public bussing system. After all, how would they ever get oriented and know how to get around in a foreign city if they couldn’t figure out their own backyard? This was not a popular theory and neither was learning to do their laundry and to clean a bathroom. However, this isn’t about me and there I go again talking about myself…
Let’s get back to the snow plows. They will remove every and any obstacle in their child’s way only to hinder that child’s ability to accept failure, learn from mistakes or to problem solve. So, who’s really paying the price in this scandal? Huffman and Laughlin’s children.
I’m sure there are plenty more wealthy, Hollywood parents who have done the same but have yet to be exposed.
This heart of the scandal isn’t only about the wealthy vs. the poor or the have’s vs. the have nots. It’s a moral lesson. I can still hear my son’s grade one teacher, “Children, just because you can, does that mean you should?”
“No, Mrs. Pierce.” They would answer in unison. Powerful words from Mrs. Pierce.
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should and other thoughts on wealthy parents buying their child's success. Weighing in on the College Scandal. Share on XJust because Huffman and Laughlin could…that doesn’t mean they should have bought off coaches and Deans to guarantee acceptance of their sub-standard student children. I also wonder why it was so important for these parents that their children go to the most prestigious colleges knowing full-well they didn’t have the academic ability? Is it a reflection on them as a person, what school their child goes to? When did that reflection begin—at birth?
Guess where I’m going here...narcissism. But that’s for another post.
For now, let’s thank our lucky stars (or was it good parenting?) that our children succeed in their own right, and earn every single accomplishment 100%. As for us regular, non-hovering parents don’t forget to praise your adult children for their accomplishments no matter if they went to community college or no college at all.
In the meantime, we can ponder the link between extreme wealth, power and corruption. Where it happens isn’t relevant, understanding that it happens everywhere is more to the point. The Oval Office, the highest courts, the elite colleges and universities, heck even in your child’s grade one classroom…as Mrs. McDonald finishes her child’s art project that he or she didn’t have the attention span to complete on their own.
Did you helicopter parent? Are you a snow-plow or do you let your child make mistakes and problem solve? Weigh in at the comments.
image source; Communitycollegereview.com
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Miley
August 28, 2019 at 6:52 amIndeed you are true! It’s great you took the effort to share this so that all the parent’s reader will be aware of what is happening. Good job!
Jeri Walker
March 25, 2019 at 3:30 pmSince I’m not a parent, I can’t chime in directly. However, as a teacher lawnmower parents are the worst, and that tendency is really ruining a lot of things for kids. Failure teaches us. Mistakes teach us. Not getting our way teaches us.
lisa
March 26, 2019 at 2:41 pmAs a teacher, you must see it early and it must be very frustrating. this: ” Failure teaches us. Mistakes teach us. Not getting our way teaches us.” Well said!
Christine Carter
March 25, 2019 at 5:41 amHave you seen (I believe it is her daughter) Lori Loughlin daughter’s utube channel? I don’t even know her name, but I caught it on the news I think- I was floored with the entitlement as she literally says something like “You know I could care a less about school.” So add to this unbelievable activity the fact that these kids don’t even CARE about school! At least this daughter anyway- I shouldn’t generalize.
But my husband was right when he said that this has been going on for years, for generations and generations… So there’s that. These people just got caught. Sigh.
I love how you parented your kids. I probably do too much for mine, but they are just so busy and very responsible with all their work. school, and sports, I want to help them and support them with basic things like packing lunches etc. IF they weren’t so busy, I think my parenting style would be totally different.
lisa
March 26, 2019 at 2:40 pmYes, I saw that on the news. Adding insult to injury of other students who have worked incredibly hard to get there. The upside is, she’s no longer a Stanford student 😛
I bet that’s true, Chris. It’s another level of financial abuse that goes on that we don’t even realize we’re up against.
You’re doing it right, Chris. Supporting them through their commitments. I used to pack lunches too in spite of complaints (sometimes).
Mabel Kwong
March 25, 2019 at 4:06 amI have seen this piece of news floating around on social media. It does bring to mind some interesting questions which you raised here. I guess some of us pride on getting the very best and see that as a means to be successful. Some people will have more money over others, and that can put them in a powerful position. But having more money doesn’t necessarily mean you should abuse a system in order to get ahead. At the end of the day, hard work builds character and experience builds character – which in turns enhances our perspective and encourages us to work with others around us, and to look out for them.
lisa
March 26, 2019 at 2:37 pmWell said, Mabel! 🙂
Sophia Rose
March 25, 2019 at 2:03 amYep, my mom said that one, too- just because you can doesn’t mean you should. She also said that I’d get more out of it if I had to make it or earn it on my own. 🙂
I’m glad my parents were the good types and I’m glad for the example when I became an adult. You’re right about it not really being about their wealth, but something inside the person themselves who parent that way.
lisa
March 26, 2019 at 2:36 pmYou likely appreciate that philosophy now more than you did then 🙂 Yes, I really think it says something about these parents that their child must have the best at any cost, while others earn their way. I guess that could be another post. Ha.
Kimberly @ Caffeinated Reviewer
March 24, 2019 at 8:38 pmI agree. Merit not money should be the what is needed to gain entry. We see this everywhere from the courts to the schools…and it saddens me.
lisa
March 26, 2019 at 2:35 pmExactly, Kim. So true.
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
March 22, 2019 at 7:40 pmI helped one of my daughters when she was in 5th grade with her Civil War report. The teacher found out and my girl got into a mess of trouble because of me. NEVER again did I do it. I learned my lesson!
lisa
March 26, 2019 at 2:34 pmMarcia, that’s a funny story but I’m sure it wasn’t at the time. 😛
Christy B
March 22, 2019 at 12:33 pmIt was shocking news, that’s for sure! I really don’t know how those parents thought they were doing what was best for the kids by paying their way through school.
Kimberly
March 20, 2019 at 4:25 amI was listening to Lori’s daughter on the radio. The had a clip of her talking about how she didn’t want to go to school and she was only there to gain the college experience and whatnot. It made my blood boil. I had to get jobs to go to school. I paid my way and burned myself thin. My parents bickered because I went to college and not university – that’s what I could afford.
My son has a trust fund set up for him. In Canada we get a baby bonus every month. We chose to put that in his trust fund that he can use towards college or university — where ever his feet take him after high school. School is outlandishly overpriced. One textbook is a month’s car payment. We will help out where we can.
lisa
March 20, 2019 at 9:10 amWow, ungrateful!! I’m not surprised by the privileged attitude at all. Kim, working for your education is the best way as it’s the only way to appreciate the experience fully (IMHO). Talk about two extremes, right?
that’s excellent that you’ve got a fund for your son’s education (or next steps). Wonderful planning! Good on you guys. It really is outlandishly priced and much worse in the States. I used to try to get as many used textbooks as possible for half the price… 😛
Marie Kléber
March 18, 2019 at 2:29 amI believe some people think – as Balroop says – that money can buy anything. And they don’t think about their children and what’s best for them in the process of life. Do they really care about them?
I’d rather let my kids experience life as it is, knowing that I am there to support no matter what.
Interesting topic Lisa!
lisa
March 18, 2019 at 6:31 pmYes, exactly Marie. I think it’s more for them than the kids. They can tell people how accomplished and smart their kids are because they’re going to Yale…etc. Ridiculous and selfish. Sounds like the kids didn’t even care to go to college. Yes, letting your kids experience life as it is—the right thing to do as a parent.
Tamara
March 17, 2019 at 7:42 amI think I’m both, but I hover more on the side of letting them figure things out for themselves. I have my fierce mama bear/tiger side and sometimes I let it baby them, but they’re pretty mellow and self-sufficient when they need to be. And other stuff? We’re working on it.
The thing that disgusted me the most about this.. well one of the most things.. is how ungrateful their kids seem. Just.. blah. No light in their eyes. And no wonder.
lisa
March 18, 2019 at 6:29 pmIt’s really hard to watch your kid struggle. No question about it. I’ve met many children who, when I ask them a question, the parent answers for them. I probably did that too 😀
Maybe everything just came too easy to those ‘kids’ and now nothing thrills them and they have a hard time appreciating anything (except follows on Instagram, maybe) :p
sally cronin
March 17, 2019 at 2:42 amTerrific post Lisa and I agree with you entirely.. but where does the rot stop with these parents and their children. If they were not academic enough in the first place to pass the entrance exams, does that not indicate that they are going to be nudged through the degree process to have a dummy one of those, and that hints at even more collusion from the university. They have not done their children any favours but judging by the comments and activities of those kids now on YouTube and Instagram, their entitled attitude started at a very early age. As you say, more will come to light since the kingpin of the cheating organisation is still spilling his secrets in hopes of a deal.
lisa
March 18, 2019 at 6:28 pmHi Sally, yes, exactly. It seems these parents are breaking the laws not for their children but for their own self satisfaction. Not sure what’s worse. Indeed, there will be more where this broke…all it takes is one disgruntled player to spill the beans. Yuck.
Clint
March 16, 2019 at 10:17 pmI think university might just be a scam look at the disaster of student loans and cost of tuition living expenses food housing then to boot you’re not guaranteed a job depending on what you’re studying and on top.of that you have to pay off the student loans which makes you think is it really worth it ? And in economy that seems to be changing with technology and automation it might make more sense to do it online and on top of that your certification has to be upgraded every couple of years which also is more costly
Tuition for the elite schools is a big scam but it won’t make you successful there are a lot of people that dropped out are very successful
lisa
March 18, 2019 at 6:26 pmI agree with you, Clint but it also depends what a student is studying. Technical schools are basically guaranteeing a job for graduates. They take less time and money as well. The student loan epidemic is plaguing the US.
DGKaye
March 16, 2019 at 5:57 pmFab post Lis! So poignant, because yes, greed has taken over everything these days it seems and the power of the elite is spilling into every system. especially in the US. I’m so glad they were all caught, and 2 stars made examples of publicly. Besides the sliminess of the operation, I’m left wondering how other students are left feeling knowing they’re defeated before they even get a chance in the world by those with money buying their children spaces in elite universities, while those who’ve worked hard and earned good grades can only dream. Sharing! <3
lisa
March 16, 2019 at 7:21 pmThank you, Deb! YES. It’s so disheartening for those who have worked so hard to get in (or not b/c of those bought) NOT FAIR. Thought it was worth writing about and thank you for sharing!
Balroop Singh
March 15, 2019 at 8:00 pmI agree with you Lisa… ‘just because you can doesn’t mean you should!’ Probably the rich and the mighty have their own morals! They think money can buy anything and they didn’t buy seats, they bought people. I would also like everyone to think about those who worked in collusion with these wealthy persons, they too are equally responsible for the erosion of values. They are more accountable – (the proctors and the counsellors) because they are the ones who are expected to respect the rules and understand the value of merit.
lisa
March 16, 2019 at 9:21 amYes, exactly! I agree with you, Balroop. The people taking the bribes are the root of the problem. It’s their job to uphold the rules of the system but instead, they steal.