I heard on the news this morning that our iconic Royal B.C. Museum is in the process dismantling “Colonial” displays. Without seeing these displays, I could easily render their meaning: the time of settlement of the white man in Canada. And we can’t speak of that without acknowledging the Indigenous tribes who were here first.

Unfortunately, I became a sad statistic last Friday, April 2nd. I found myself at a Covid-19 testing site. It wasn’t that long ago that I would drive by such a site, and see the cars lined up and wonder just how sick were those people to wait in line for an awful test? Now I was one of those people and I knew just how sick I was to get in my car and drive there.

I’m feeling…somber.

George Floyd is yet another victim in a long list of black men and women who have been killed by people who are meant to protect them. The words “I can’t breathe” have become a sickening pattern. Not this again! How can this keep happening? Why is this happening?

Confession: I could not watch the video of his tragic death. I don’t have the stomach for it.

Sometimes people ask me weird questions such as “Could a gender role reversal save a marriage?” Hmm, at first I thought what a ridiculous question but the more I considered it the less odd the question seemed to me.

My own traditional marriage

When I was married, I stayed home after the birth of our first child. I had originally intended to return to work after maternity leave but the powers that be had other plans for me. I was let go from my job during my early second trimester of my pregnancy. It was an extremely active type of job and I had to take a few days off because of breakthrough bleeding, early in my first trimester.

You’ll notice I didn’t ask about a second marriage because that’s practically a Gimme. It’s expected, even. It’s considered a sign of moving on. A third marriage? That’s more like a Mulligan (you will use it judicially and with caution). Why the golf analogy, you may be wondering. I don’t even know, it just popped into my head. Maybe because my ex was an avid golfer.

Are you like me and have a hard time asking for help? You don’t want to burden your friends so you tell them you’re okay when you’re actually falling down a hole so deep you fear bumping into Alice?

I can’t think of a more appropriate time than during separation and divorce that we require help from family and friends. All at once we’re single parenting, dealing with lawyers, moving, starting a new career or educational program. Yet we try to manage it alone. We think if we can’t manage it all alone, we must be weak. There must be something wrong with us if we need help.

“Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight?”

The words to that old Elvis song always tug at my heartstrings. I picture my grandmother mending socks, humming along to this song playing on her kitchen radio. She became a widow quite young. She wasn’t even 60 yet. She lived alone until the day she died (excluding her final years in a care home).

One of the hardest adjustments during divorce, is finding yourself alone. Alone. Just that simple word conjures up all kinds of not so nice feelings. When you’re alone, is it because no one wants you?

image used with permission from wikimedia

Have you ever wondered if there are gender differences in narcissists? Well, I wondered that very thing recently so I did a little research. Turns out, narcissists are more alike than different regardless of gender. That said there are a few specific differences in the behaviors of narcissistic men and women.

image source; unsplash.com by Josh Applegate

Religion is a powerful force that aims to project a system of beliefs, to instill faith and community. Often, in any religion you will find traditions and events to mark a ‘coming of age’ or a celebration of accomplishment in that faith. Similarly, wedding ceremonies are conducted in our faith of choice and become one of those celebrations.

image by artist Peter Strain

In the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the main character decides to have his memories of his ex erased. These included ALL memories, good and bad. Did he once love her? Absolutely. When she broke it off with him though, the pain was too great to bear and he decides to erase her altogether.  (That was after he found out she had done it first)

The narc has some of that ability without the freaky procedure we saw administered in the film. Just to be clear, this film is not about narcissism. It’s a quirky, bizarre love story. It’s the spotless mind reference that has a likeness to what little can be understood of the narcissist’s brain function.