photo credit someecards.com

People will ask you the weirdest, nosiest most obnoxious questions when you tell them your marriage is over.  As a woman who made the decision to end my marriage, the reaction of bewilderment by some people was beyond frustrating.  Here are the top dumbest divorce questions I got asked;

There is always so much negative coverage, comments, judgments and professional nay-saying about divorce.  But what about the positive side of divorce or as I like to call it; the flip side of divorce. There are surprising benefits for both you, and the kids.

Rarely do we stop and examine what can go right during or after divorce. So instead of focusing on the difficulties, expense and strife of divorce, let’s take a few moments to examine the good, the pluses and the long term positive effects of divorce i.e., the BENEFITS.

During the initial stages of separation and divorce, we find that we have lost our normal.  This is unsettling for us humans since we thrive on routine.  Our simple routine of daily tasks and some of our traditions are thrown out.  It’s called change or transition and it’s not an easy part of the process.  How can

When we find out we’re expecting we are overwhelmed and delighted by the prospect of entering a new phase in our life; motherhood.  We want to do what’s best for our babies.  Thus begins the long path of putting our children’s needs before our own.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is a bad thing however, as we learn years later, the decision we thought was the best at one point, ends up hurting us. 

Demi Moore in The Scarlett Letter

I’ve never felt so ostracized as I did post divorce.  I was the woman wearing the Scarlett Letter, it seemed.  It turns out you don’t need to be an adulterer to be shunned, especially if you are the one to end the marriage.

Can you return without the social stigma?  Is it true you can never go back?  Can you walk the same streets and feel like the same person?

If you have relocated after a difficult divorce, you may return one day and ask yourself these very questions.  I pondered these questions upon my return to a city my children still call home.

We can thank Paul Simon for the clever suggestions in “50 Ways To Leave Your lover Husband”.  Paul was one of the best singer, songwriters of his generation.  I remember this song as a child and thinking there was something very unusual about the tune and the lyrics.  It was both catchy and dangerous at the same time. 

Abuse during divorce is more common than we realize.  When we take the step to end our marriage, we extricate ourselves from the marital turmoil only to find ourselves the target of even more abusive behaviors.  The ex can become aggressive, verbally abusive, threatening, and sometimes paranoid.  The truth is the bigger their ego, the more intensely they react to the end of the marriage or relationship. 

We’ve grown up only to learn Cinderella’s carriage was a pumpkin to begin with.  Our foot never fit the glass slipper.  Sleeping Beauty ate a bad apple and maybe we took a bite from the same one.  We’re not in Kansas anymore!  Learning the fairy tale doesn’t always have that happy ending is a hard lesson, even for cynics.

What is divorce Month?   It’s a well known fact that more separations and divorces happen in January.  Even more break ups in less serious relationships happen this month, why?  January is the most dreary month of the year including the weather, the lack of daylight, the Christmas bills, and the lingering disappointments of the recent Christmas season.