Ever feel like this?   Words aren’t necessary.  This picture is worth a thousand of them…So, have you ever felt like this?

image source; Pinterest

An ideal divorce-is there such a thing?  Or is it as likely as riding a unicorn off into the sunset.  I would hazard a guess that it’s about as likely as ‘happily ever after’.  Not impossible, but not guaranteed.  First, what is an ideal divorce?

image source iampoopsie.com

One of the inevitable side effects of divorce is the ensuing gossip.  Yes, little old you become fodder and material for idle gossip.  Whether they’re neighbors, teachers, friends, acquaintances or sports parents your name seems to be on the tip of their tongue.

“Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel”-Judge Sturgess

image; dreamstime

Caveat: This post is intended to empower you.  It is not legal advice.

It sounds crazy but some people find themselves in the Appellate Courts for their divorce.  Picture this; two people cannot agree on their divorce settlement  so they proceed to trial.  A judge decides for them how their assets will be divided and how much alimony if any will be awarded and where the kids will be and when.  But that’s not the end…

Inevitably, someone doesn’t ‘like’ the judgment.  Usually it’s the person who pays the support or deems he got less in the decision.  If he or she has the resources they take the judgment to Appeals in an attempt to change the decision….  Do they need grounds for the

  “The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss,   and have found their way out of the depths.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

LOSS-we all experience it, especially during divorce.  The fact is we lose stuff everyday; a thought, our keys, our phone, a memory, our coins, a contest, a challenge, a call and the biggest one of all—TIME.

In tackling this subject I really wanted to express the idea that loss is something we all deal with whether they’re losses that leave a crevice in our hearts or small ones, that niggle on the left side of our brain.

Loss is just an unfortunate part of life…

From the archives…dealing with anger never goes out of style.

Did you remember to take your happy pill today?  Last week?  Last month, last year?  OOps.  It’s hard to feel happy in the middle of an emotionally and financially taxing divorce.  Forgiveness, love, joy and fun are often substituted with grudge, hate, worry and anger.  So how do we deal with these negative emotions? Since we can’t take a happy pill and get over it, we have to look to other methods to adapt.  How about embracing it?  Owning it? 

Hint: It wasn’t a love letter…Today I’m over at DivorcedMoms.com. Come on over and check out this fabulous site.  It proves to be an unprecedented resource for women navigating divorce.

image source; MissLeslieKnopeTumblr

Being too nice during your divorce

can cost you…money, assets and even the kids.  I’ve heard many stories of regret and loss due to taking the ‘high road’ and being ‘nice’.  This is especially true for us women as we are raised to be caring and nurturing. It’s part of our feminine quality.  It’s double true for women who make the decision to leave.  They, more than anyone are troubled with guilt which leads to being too nice and trying to keep everyone happy.

I’ve been known to say “It’s the moments that count.”  I said it in my book, chapter 1 to be precise.  Just as in a marriage, it is true during the divorce process as well.  We tend to put a great deal of emphasis on the big moments of life like weddings, divorce, giving birth, a long awaited promotion, or finally taking that exotic vacation.  All of these big moments are exciting and they give us things to strive for and look forward to however, they are few and far between in life.  If we’re only getting excited about these things then what are we doing in the in-between times?

photo source; children-and-dvorce.net

One of the most destructive patterns of behavior in a divorce is Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS as it is known in certain circles.  I hadn’t heard of the term when I separated from my husband but if only I had, I would have seen the red flags flying above my head.  While knowledge is power, I was naive. Even if you are not experiencing PAS, it’s important to understand what it is and at least recognize the signs.