my rough sketch of the back of our old home. watching the videos took me inside and into the backyard again. it was almost exactly how i remembered it.
As many of you know, my marriage ended many moons ago. 2005 to be exact. The divorce dragged on as most do, but if we’re talking about the actual marriage, it ended thirteen years ago. My, how time flies.
In all of those years I’ve had a couple of video camera cassettes tucked away. Now, I’ve discussed here before photo albums and wedding pictures-–what we do with them in the event of divorce but we haven’t talked about those precious family videos.
My video camera cassette (I’m down to one and searching high and low for the other one) has moved with me three times since 2005. In all those years, I didn’t have the courage to have the video transferred to DVD, until now. Well, actually, I did attempt to have it done several years ago but the price was ridiculous. Today, the price is very reasonable to have camera cassettes transferred to DVD’s.
I put that DVD in the player just the other day, and had no idea what would be on it. Obviously, I was hoping for lots of footage of the kids. That’s exactly what I got. For most of it, I was behind the camera talking to the kids. There is one lengthy part where a friend’s son took over the camera for Luke’s first birthday party in 1995. That one is quite funny because if you give a 15 year old boy a camera, he films some funny things.
Guys, I have to say, watching this DVD was emotional for me. Seeing my children as babies come to life again was brilliant and bittersweet. My memories match up with what’s on the camera so that’s a good thing. The opening scene is my daughter at age two, eating soup and trying to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider. When I sing along with her, she stops and points at me and says “No!”. Haha. My son’s first steps are captured and as I mentioned his whole first birthday party.
There’s some brief Christmas footage. This time my ex-husband is behind the camera. Some comments going back and forth between him and my father. Oh— the memories—they’re all coming back to me now.
Unfortunately, I made a big boo boo at my daughter’s 3rd birthday party. I didn’t realize the camera was on while it sat on the counter top and that was before the party began. What was captured was a friend and neighbor’s conversation over coffee right before the party started. The camera was pointed at the doors going out to the back yard. In the background were me and my daughter, the phone ringing. At some point, I must have figured it out. Likely the battery died and I had to recharge it during the actual party because I didn’t begin filming until after the party was over. At least I captured her after. Luckily there is lots of footage of her playing, singing, dancing and stealing toys from her baby brother LOL.
They were so cute. Their white-blonde locks, chocolate covered, cookie crusted faces and hands—absolutely precious!
The last few scenes on the film are after a three year gap. I film my dog and state on the camera how sad I am that we haven’t been filming the kids for three years (of course we have taken lots of photos but…). That same night, I film my son on skis for the first time, with his dad. I felt sad watching this clip. My ex looked so unhappy and put upon. And yet, I recall him taking great pleasure in doing the same activity with our daughter, a few years earlier. What had happened?
Then there’s footage from our first trip to Maui with the kids and my family. Again, in the film he looks terribly unhappy. Well, anyhow that’s not what I wanted to bring up…
What I really wanted to say was how incredibly precious to go back in time to when our grown children were babies. How years back, soon after my divorce, I couldn’t have watched without tears but now I see the life and the love for my children. Mostly, though, these videos are for the kids to keep. It’s their babyhood and all they will know of it.
I just hope I can locate the other video and add to the collection of babyhood memories for my kids. Sure, they have photos and baby books, but to watch their life in action is pretty powerful.
Did you or have you taken those cassettes out of the family video camera after divorce? How did you feel watching your old memories live on film?
Here is Carly Simon’s “Coming Around Again” I like how the end riffs on “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. Is there a mother and child that haven’t sang this together?
The song lyrics are all about domestic bliss and its irony. “Baby sneezes, Mommy pleases, Daddy breezes in…”
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My Art Journey and the Lessons I've Learned Part I - Lisa Thomson~Author
April 1, 2020 at 10:00 am[…] I began, I had a small studio-room in the basement of our house on Osland Close. I took formal night classes in drawing and painting. I went from level I to […]
My Inner Chick
May 27, 2018 at 2:53 pmBittersweet
for sure, Lisa.
This must have been weird to see
your ex, but fabulous to see your babies.
There are videos I still cannot watch of Kay.
I’m not sure if I would fall apart. And I’m afraid to fall apart. Perhaps one day.
And divorce is kind of like a death, right? ( only they are still alive )
Xxx kisses from MN.
PS. how old are your babies now?!
lisa
May 29, 2018 at 11:45 amYes. oh, Kim I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to watch Kay in video. I don’t blame you for fearing that. You’ve only put yourself together in a new way and to fall apart all over again sounds daunting. Maybe one day in the future…who knows what treasure you will find. Yes, divorce is like a death in many ways. It wasn’t that weird though to see him in the video. He was how I remember him. The weird part is I’m not sure who he is now. Not sure if that makes sense… 😀 Love to you, Kim xoxox
Mahesh Nair
May 27, 2018 at 8:58 amHello Lisa: this is painful, emotional, and sweet. The painful bit perhaps gets better when one watches the clips again and again, focusing every time on something pleasant. If we look for the most subtle, hidden, and disguised nuances, we might find plenty of pleasant moments? Happy weekend 🙂
lisa
May 29, 2018 at 11:42 amAbsolutely true, Mahesh. I already am focusing on the positive sights and sounds in each clip. I’ll be watching it with my son this weekend so I’m looking forward to seeing his reaction to it all. Hopefully, soon I’ll be able to watch it with my daughter. Thanks Mahesh for stopping over!
Tamara
May 27, 2018 at 6:54 amIt’s so interesting what you saw in those videos from your perspective today. My parents have old videos of us that are quite precious. We don’t have cassettes anymore, but lots of YouTube videos and phone videos. They really are precious and I have to remind myself to not stop taking them.
lisa
May 29, 2018 at 11:41 amYes, it’s amazing to watch years later. Oh, it’s so much easier now to capture your babies on film! 😛 We had to get out the cumbersome video recorder that was impossible to not shake as you filmed haha. You have stunning photos of your family, Tamara! Your blog in itself will act as the family archive.
Charlotte
May 26, 2018 at 9:14 amOh, man. I understand this. I think there’s something so nostalgic about watching video footage especially because it captures so much more emotion and sounds and feelings. Like your ex’s pained expression while putting on your daughters skies… he could have plastered a smile on for a pic, and no one would know any better.
I think it can be a cathartic experience, too, to go through and relive some of these special memories, especially as your kiddos were so tiny and life was just… different. Thank you for sharing this, Lisa. Always love so much to be here <3 happy happy Memorial Day weekend, my sweet friend.
lisa
May 26, 2018 at 2:08 pmExactly true, Charlotte. Everything is captured not just a split second in time. Yes, it was good for me to watch again and actually I’ll watch it with my son when he’s here next weekend. That should be fun! Have a wonderful long weekend, Charlotte! <3
dgkaye
May 25, 2018 at 5:22 pmLoved this. Always, the bitter comes with the sweet. 🙂 Now you’ve reminded about a big box full of VCR tapes my husband brought with him into our marriage, lol. I don’t even want to look LOL 🙂 x
lisa
May 26, 2018 at 2:06 pmHaha, I wonder what’s on those tapes, Deb. You have my curiosity piqued. I feel a blog post coming on, at your site that is 😀 Yes, the bitter-sweet pairing…can’t be avoided.
dgkaye
May 27, 2018 at 4:12 pmHa! I guess I’d have a lot to write about. 🙂 xx
lisa
May 29, 2018 at 11:46 amYES. I predict more books in your future, Debby! 🙂
Corey | The Nostalgia Diaries
May 23, 2018 at 8:14 amI’m so glad you have these wonderful memories of your children – both in film and in your own personal memories. My ex isn’t in many of the videos I have of my daughter, but she was young when we divorced – only 4 – so all of the videos I have since then I will always be able to look on with fondness without any twinge of the hard times of my past.
lisa
May 25, 2018 at 8:11 amHi Corey, yes it’s so incredible to watch these videos. Well, I think the videos will be cherished by the kids and it’s great that their dad is in them along with bits of me (but mostly I’m behind the camera). That’s great you have videos of your daughter. How old is she now?
Marie Kléber
May 23, 2018 at 6:02 amTime is a healer Lisa.
It must be hard to watch these videos when you are in the madness of divorce.
I had the same issues with photos. Now it’s fine. A couple of years back I would look at them and cry.
These are precious for your kids for sure.
lisa
May 23, 2018 at 3:39 pmTime really is a healer. I couldn’t watch these mid-divorce. That’s a big step forward, Marie. Nice to hear you’re healing and can look back without tears! You and me both 🙂
ShootingStarsMag
May 22, 2018 at 7:06 pmI used to have VHS tapes of things from my childhood but I think they were accidentally taped over as time went on, which I hate. I used to love looking at old videos. I imagine it must be a bit bittersweet to see your kids growing up.
-Lauren
lisa
May 23, 2018 at 3:37 pmOh, no. That’s a big oopsy. I hope you have lots of photos at least. Yes, it truly is bittersweet. Thanks, Lauren for sharing here.
Jeri
May 22, 2018 at 5:14 pmI don’t mind seeing my ex too much in the video snippets I took over the years on all of our trips. I mostly focused on the scenery anyway, lol. I did have a cassette tape of our Vegas wedding vows. I burned that too last summer when I was camping in Yellowstone. Oh the small degrees of closure I’ve been able to attain here and there.
lisa
May 23, 2018 at 3:36 pmVideo snippets are interesting to watch as they have ‘telling’ scenes 😉 That’s good you filmed mostly nature Haha! Burning your tape of your wedding must have been hugely cathartic. Good for you, Jeri!
Beth
May 22, 2018 at 1:31 pmI can see how that would be bittersweet and emotional. Hopefully you can enjoy the good moments from those videos, especially with the kids, and maybe next time it will be a little less painful to watch.
lisa
May 23, 2018 at 3:34 pmThanks, Beth. Yes, I’ve watched it again and caught little things I missed the first time. Overall, it’s wonderful to have and to see the kids as babies and me at 31 years old LOL.