image source; omtv.dk
I’m over at Divorced Moms today talking about anger. I’m calling it the ‘New Black’. Why? For so long women have been raised to be the nice one. The nurturer. That’s all good except when things go terribly wrong. What happens in life when events, situations or people trigger anger? Well, they didn’t teach us that did they? They thought we would smile right through the unpleasantness that is life (at times). I don’t recall a seminar or a memo circulating on ‘How to get mad…” So, consider my post today that seminar to help us through the tough times and that includes the ‘D’ word. But we could certainly apply this seminar to other events in our life.
Anger is the new black, indeed…I can’t emphasize enough the destructive qualities of restrained anger. Holding it in and having no way of expressing it (cuz you didn’t get the memo that it’s normal and okay to get angry) causes a myriad of health issues. High blood pressure, ulcers, muscle aches, migraines, lower immunity are all linked to suppressed emotion including suppressed anger.
Please do hop on over to Divorced Moms to read Go Ahead Get Mad-Expressing Anger and find out some great ways to deal with what is the normal human emotion. I have broken it down to 3 categories. 3 sections of anger expression; physical, emotional and intellectual.
Do I have your curiosity now? What the heck is she talking about? you might be thinking. Check it out and find out why I say Anger is the New Black…let go of that good girl, and get some shit done. Sometimes getting mad is the engine that propels us to our end goal.
Next time you’re mad, wear some orange black and consciously express it. Put that anger where it belongs. Put it to good use and then move on toward healing and happiness!
How do you express your anger?
Leave a comment, I LOVE ’em!
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Victoria Brooks is evil
June 29, 2014 at 11:38 pmThanks for your marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.
I will remember to bookmark your blog and will eventually come
back later on. I want to encourage you to continue your great job, have a nice holiday weekend!
Jane Thrive
June 23, 2014 at 6:44 pmHi Lisa,
Thanks for the post and I agree–it took me a long time to learn that ‘anger’ is actually a healthy emotion–when expressed in a “healthy” way (key on “healthy”). I of course suppressed any anger in my former life, being the compliant enabler in the explosive anger household, once upon a time.
Nowadays, i notice that I do get mad, and had an epiphany with my therapist–i was never ‘allowed’ to be mad before, because it wasn’t ‘safe.’ now i’m in a ‘safe’ relationship, where there *is* room for anger (expressed in a healthy way, and including time outs for me to calm down, etc), but who would have thought.
Learning to deal with and accept anger, from myself, my kids, and spouse–it’s a big moment for me and opportunity to teach myself and my girls that anger is OK and also to understand the difference between acceptable expressions and unacceptable expressions of anger. <3
lisa
June 23, 2014 at 7:43 pmThank you, thank you, thank you! How wonderfully explained, Jane! I can totally relate to your experience. Awesome job on expressing your anger appropriately. In doing that you are staying ‘healthy’ in all the important ways. 🙂
Kimberly
June 21, 2014 at 2:12 pmI have bipolar disorder and I struggle with this one a lot. It has taken me a while to recognize when the anger is unhealthy. I take a step back and breathe before it explodes. Sometimes anger just festers though so I write and write and write. I had some really bad coping techniques that I had to break the habit of (self harm) but I am getting so much better.
I hoped on over to the site but I can’t comment. I did tweet though. It is such a wealth of info and help.
lisa
June 21, 2014 at 4:48 pmHi Kim, thanks for sharing you experience. I’m sure the anger is even more intense. I’m glad you were able to let go of the harmful coping techniques. It seems we’ve been taught to suppress our anger and of course that leads to worse issues. Thanks for the Tweet and for reading the article. I know the DM site is a little tricky to leave a comment. 🙂
Chrys Fey
June 20, 2014 at 9:43 amWhen I was younger, I was quiet, reserved, and nice. I was also the youngest in my family and picked on a lot by my three older siblings, so after years of enduring this and harboring my anger inside, I eventually snapped. It’s definitely not healthy, but my anger did help me to build a tougher skin. When I was eighteen, I stopped letting my siblings treat me bad. They actually started to call me a “b*tch” and I told them it was their fault. haha 😉
lisa
June 20, 2014 at 11:24 amGood for you for getting tough! It’s hard to express when we’re angry and sometimes we doubt whether we have a right to be angry. But there’s a limit to how much you can take. Channeling the anger is really helpful. Thanks Chrys, for sharing 🙂
Mikestephans
June 20, 2014 at 1:23 amHi Lisa,
Here you again come up with superb article!!! 🙂
I’m totally agree with you yep anger is not a good thing for health as well as relation. it create a lot of differences between two things, it is a that things who ruins and end our life slowly slowly, i have seen a lot of cases of anger, who spoil life of many people.
Thanks for sharing.
Keep posting.
lisa
June 20, 2014 at 6:51 amHi Mike, that’s exactly true. Holding it in is unhealthy but being angry at others is destructive. Managing it constructively and resolving it will help a person heal. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
Mike
June 18, 2014 at 6:55 pmHi Lisa! I did go over there and read your post but unfortunately it requires a login to comment. Fantastic post too. I believe anger is frequently a manifestation of frustration. I did appreciate the part you mentioned that anger served you in helping you not to get walked on. Yet, because of my work for the past 26 years I would have to say anger is not a good thing in relationships and does not serve folks well. I know a lot of folks may not get that and want to flog me. But, it takes a rare, rare person to be able to properly channel that anger to make very sound, feet grounded decisions when they are red-lined. Your suggestions for positive outlets are fantastic and I would encourage those, my opinion, to pursue not only those but also immediate counseling and a calming down period before addressing anything when they are angry. We love ya bunches always our dear friend!! 🙂
lisa
June 18, 2014 at 8:47 pmYes, Mike great additional tips! Time out is essential to calm our reactions. I just think we have to acknowledge our anger and not suppress it. Be healthy, above all. Thank you for your valuable input, as always I really appreciate your opinion!