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An ideal divorce-is there such a thing?  Or is it as likely as riding a unicorn off into the sunset.  I would hazard a guess that it’s about as likely as ‘happily ever after’.  Not impossible, but not guaranteed.  First, what is an ideal divorce?

I’m sure it’s different for each couple but it would be safe to say that universally this is what most divorcing couples want;

-an equal split of marital assets (as close to 50/50 as possible)

-a fair split of marital debts

-what assets you brought in, you take out

-equal parenting

-remaining on congenial terms with relatives and in-laws

-zero bad mouthing

-keeping legal fees to a minimum (for both parties)

-financial and emotional child support willingly provided

-eventual friendship

 Ahhh, what a dream.  It’s IDEAL and close to perfection.  It’s a wish list of sorts.  It’s something to strive for.  Is it going to happen?  Not necessarily because no one is perfect and you divorced for a reason.   There is bound to be conflict.  In spite of the conflict, hopefully each couple will reach their own ‘ideal’ divorce.

Think ‘Step Mom’, ‘Reba’, ‘Jess and Celeste Forever’  (pictured above) where each couple remained or became friends of sorts.  Hopefully we don’t have to get cancer or befriend the other woman to make this happen as in the first two examples.

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that how you see your divorce unfolding can be the polar opposite of how it actually happens.  No matter how much we try, some people and circumstances simply stand in the way of our goals (especially when their cooperation is required).  If that’s the case, our own frustration can also block our good intentions.

This whole ideal divorce thing is starting to sound like a marriage. For example, how you saw your marriage unfolding wasn’t necessarily your reality.  With that in mind, realize that my list of 10 things that make an ideal divorce, is part fantasy.  The likelihood of attaining all 10 is well, like riding off into the sunset on…a unicorn…  On the other hand, attaining a few things on the list is like graduating from divorce school with an A-.  Not too shabby.

In fact, you’re a divorce SUCCESS.

Always remember; Divorce is a process.  It doesn’t happen overnight…

“It’s a living, breathing complex animal to be managed with delicacy and tact to avoid stress and breakdown.” –The Great Escape; A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage

You’ll need time.  Time to heal and time to deal.  It will also take a tremendous amount of diligence to  maintain your boundaries and goals.  It will take compromise and commitment.  Sounds like that marriage thing again… .  Only this time it’s a commitment to what YOU want to accomplish.  You!

We can dream of an ideal divorce that causes minimum damage but knowing we’ll have to be clear about our goals and roll with the reality punches, will make it easier to accept the imperfections.

Riding on a unicorn into the sunset may be impossible but riding off on a stallion? Just maybe, if you play your cards right.

If you have accomplished anything on this list share your secret to success in the comments section,  pretty please?

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Enjoy the blog?  You’ll love the book. The Great Escape: A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage