image source Unsplash by Christopher Harris
I’m re-posting an updated, yet classic from the archives.
One of the biggest changes during divorce is losing the marital home, which I have written about before here.
It’s a loss that isn’t easy to swallow for many couples who have taken pride in their home. Dare I say, they’ve considered their home something of a status symbol or a page out of a decorating magazine? That will all change. You’ll see though, that what really matters isn’t the shell of a home but who and what is inside it.
Even if you’re downsizing and moving to a much smaller home, you can make it just as ‘homey’ for your children. It feels like you’re giving up a part of yourself but in the end, you’re only changing a part of you. Making it more efficient, less costly and an improved reflection of your new life, after divorce.
Sort-keep what’s important to you and the children. Don’t be too hasty in tossing sentimental things .
Purge-ask yourself “Do I need this?” Sell or donate what is no longer useful.
Arrange furniture in a way that you will use it rather than in traditional sense-for example, your dining room may be better used as a homework center, complete with desk top, printer and filing cabinet. I know for myself that entertaining became much less frequent as a divorcee, compared to when I was married. And when I did entertain, we hung out in the small kitchen.
Swap old window coverings for new ones-this can be done in a cost effective way and will make a huge difference in updating a space. Home Depot and other hardware stores will install your window coverings for free if you measure and order them yourself. Here’s how: measure the inside of the window frames for both length and width. Make sure to measure the width in three places; across the top, middle and bottom. Take the narrowest measurement as the correct one. This will allow the covering to fit in the tightest part of the window frame (often the frame is not perfectly straight).
Choose a color scheme-color makes an immediate impact. Choose a scheme or even a single color to add to your home decor by using pillows, throws, curtains and paint. All of these items can be found within a budget and will not break the bank. The impact will look like you hired a designer. When we moved into our apartment, I chose red with a hint of green (complementary scheme) with a black base. It made an immediate impact.
Fresh Paint-I can’t say enough about white (or off-white) paint. Use it without restraint. A fresh coat will give a space an immediate clean up. Freshly painted window casements and baseboards will make a place look brand new.
New bedding-Again this can be done on a budget. A brand new color scheme for your bedroom can really make it feel all your own. Make it as feminine as you please. Floral print with pink accents? Bring it on.
Kitchen stuff-replace broken kitchen appliances but only the ones you will actually use. We don’t need to hang on to broken appliances since it’s unlikely we’ll actually take the time or spend the money to have them fixed. You can donate these items to schools where they use them for projects.
Remember this if you’re downsizing, it’s not the kitchen design or size but the comfort food that is made there, that makes a house a home.
Safety-ensure all smoke alarms, carbon monoxide detectors and door locks are in working order.
Update Home Insurance Policy-you likely had an insurance carrier for your marital home. You can contact them for a new policy to meet the needs of your new home whether you’re renting or own your new abode.
There you have it, ten things you can do to make your new home cozy, functional and safe. Above all else, make it a reflection of you and your children’s lifestyle and personalities. Throw out the rules. This isn’t about status. This is about real life.
This is about Home. Your home.
Like this? You’ll love the books;
The Great Escape; A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage and A Divorce Companion both available on Amazon.
Also, if you’re looking for interior design inspiration, check out Apartment Therapy. It’s one of my favorite sites for interior design inspo.
Anything you would add to this list? Hit the comments and share!
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Steve Fox
September 10, 2018 at 5:35 amvery helpful and unique ideas to get life going
lisa
September 11, 2018 at 9:50 amThanks, Steve 🙂
Robert Williams
August 9, 2018 at 12:24 amThanks to you my dear for your unique blog.
Christine Carter
July 26, 2018 at 5:36 amLisa, this is such a helpful and insightful post. All the things you listed seem doable and I can see why they would make a difference when moving into a place and making it a home.
I appreciate your wisdom and encouragement for those who really need it.
lisa
July 27, 2018 at 1:02 pmThanks, Chris 🙂 Yes, they’re all small, inexpensive upgrades. Very doable. Plus, the safety reminders.
Mahesh
July 21, 2018 at 1:23 pmI thoroughly agree with the 10 easy ways, Lisa. A house becomes precious when it’s a home, but there’ll always be a vacuum, even in happy times. We begin to build expectations attaching importance and emotions to the things we fill up our home with, which give off negative vibes in sad times. But a vacuum remains constant as our struggle with our own selves continue. I reiterate your posts are super positive. Very helpful.
lisa
July 25, 2018 at 1:10 pmThis: “We begin to build expectations attaching importance and emotions to the things we fill up our home with, which give off negative vibes in sad times.” Well said, Mahesh. Thanks for sharing here!
Vishnu
July 20, 2018 at 10:58 pmDivorce is a great time for purging, throwing out and letting go of what no longer serves you Lisa. So, a lot of things left my life with my divorce, including furniture, bedding, appliances etc. The good (or bad) thing is that I don’t know if I’ve replaced any of those things and have embraced a more minimalistic life.
Oh Item 11 – get a new partner 🙂 kidding!
lisa
July 25, 2018 at 1:09 pmYES. Absolutely true, Vishnu. Good for you on the minimalism concept. Haha—a new partner 😛
DGKaye
July 20, 2018 at 4:54 pmI can only imagine all involved in such a stressful time like divorce Lisa. Your tips no doubt, will benefit many. 🙂 <3
lisa
July 25, 2018 at 1:08 pmI hope so, Deb. Thanks for stopping by 😀
DGKaye
July 25, 2018 at 5:14 pm<3
Tamara
July 20, 2018 at 10:29 amWhile it’s not something I’ve had to think too much about, luckily, when it happened to close friends, then I really did! They went from one big home to two smaller homes. And they had kids and also had to think about their own comfort and finances. This is a must-read for the newly divorced.
lisa
July 20, 2018 at 12:48 pmYes, exactly. I hope your friends are all settled into their new, independent lives and making things work for their kids. Thanks Tamara, always so nice to see your face here!
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
July 20, 2018 at 7:24 amLove the idea of changing things up a bit in the house after divorce. You should absolutely make it YOUR space.
lisa
July 20, 2018 at 9:25 amDefinitely a must do. Changing things up or starting in a new place calls for design details to make it YOURS.
Balroop Singh
July 19, 2018 at 6:06 pmI like your practical approach Lisa…home is where the heart is. I agree with you, after divorce, one has the liberty to ‘throw out the rules.’ Celebrate the freedom, bury your distress and throw status out of the window because real life is more beautiful. 🙂
lisa
July 20, 2018 at 9:23 amYES, well said Balroop! 😀
shali
July 19, 2018 at 3:41 pmHi Lisa,
Nice post. I think one of my greatest memories of the boyz and I heading out on our own, was a soft yellow feature wall, and a slightly darker yellow big “cozy chair” that was just off our kitchen. I got the chair from Sears for half price, and the paint for free for looking after a paint store owners dog! It was meant to be Then after supper, one of them would laze across the “cozy chair” and we would just talk about our day😊 So special. Thank you for your post.
S.
lisa
July 19, 2018 at 6:32 pmWhat a great story, Shali. <3 Love the idea of a sunny spot for the kids to rest and talk. It was meant to be, for sure. It's so nice to have that treasured memory. It's the little rituals that get us through the hard times. Thanks for sharing!